Into the Darkness
by afitwilight
Summary: When life becomes out of control for one CSI, she takes dangerous measures to gain it back.
1. Default Chapter

Into the Darkness  
  
Disclaimer: CSI doesn't belong to me.   
  
Rated R for language and an eating disorder  
  
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I don't know how long I've been standing here. My arms are numb from the chilling winds attacking my body. Winter nights in Vegas can be extremely cold and tonight is no exception. I really should go inside and continue working, but the bright lights from the various casinos seem to be calling out to me. I don't know when I began not enjoying my job. I just know that I hate coming in and dealing with death and devastation each and every night. Grissom once told me that I needed to get a distraction, or that I would burn out. I didn't believe him at the time. Now looking back on what's happened in my life these previous months, I'm beginning to find out that he was right. It wasn't like I didn't try. I went out with Hank. Of course, that didn't last long. Jerk. Then, for reasons beyond my knowledge, I asked Grissom out. He said no. Not, I'll think about it Sara, or a maybe some other time Sara. No, it was a flat out no. I tried to argue with him and almost beg him to change his mind. He wouldn't hear of it. Now it seems that we can't say one word to each other without things being awkward. Grissom's not the only one acting strange. Catherine is on some sort of ego trip or something. I don't really understand her sometimes. It's as if she's two different people. I've given up on trying to figure her out. It's not like we were ever close. In fact, sometimes I think she still resents me coming here. The only reason I'm here is because of Grissom. The only reason I've stayed this long is because of Grissom. What is it about him that I can't let go? I hear a movement behind me but I refuse to turn around. I'll know who it is soon.  
  
"Sara? What are you doing out here? It's freezing." Warrick's concerned voice replied.  
  
I kept my eyes on the glowing signs. "Just getting some fresh air." I tell him. It wasn't a complete lie.  
  
He walked up beside me and shook his head. "You're shaking. I think you better go back in."  
  
It wasn't until that moment that I felt my body quivering from the cold. I couldn't go inside though. I've made a decision and I was going to go through with it. "I'll be there in a minute."  
  
Warrick refused to leave though. Instead, he stood beside me and pulled his jacket around my shoulders. He didn't say anything for a few moments. We both stared down at the busy streets of Vegas. After a few moments passed he turned to face me. "It's not worth it Sara."  
  
I focused my attention on him. "What's not?"  
  
"I know what you're doing up here. You've been way too quiet and depressed these past few days."  
  
"So? I just haven't been in a talking mood." I had to defend myself.  
  
"That's not it and you and I both know it."  
  
"Listen Warrick. I'm not going to throw myself off this roof if that's what you're thinking?"  
  
He looked shocked to say the least. "Really? See, normally when people come up to the roof, they usually stay a few minutes and then leave."  
  
"I haven't been up here long." She instantly replied knowing that he wouldn't believe her.  
  
"We split up twenty minutes ago and you haven't been any where else in the building."  
  
"Are you keeping tabs on me now, War?"  
  
"No, but I am worried about you." His eyes were filled with emotions that I thought I'd never see coming from him. Well, not directed at me anyway. We've had a rocky past. I'm still not entirely sure where we stand.  
  
I tried to give him a smile, but I couldn't pull it off. "Don't be. Besides jumping off buildings isn't my style"  
  
"This isn't funny Sara."  
  
I lost it. "Does it look like I'm laughing?" I tried to walk away but Warrick grabbed my arm.   
  
"Sara." He began but I cut him off and jerked my away.  
  
  
  
"Leave me alone Warrick." I glared at him and ran inside. I couldn't handle this anymore. Why did he have to come up there? It wasn't as if he cared about me. No one did. I was about halfway down the hall, when I literally ran into Grissom. I almost knocked him over. "Um, sorry Grissom." I stated and began walking away, but was stopped by him calling out to me.  
  
"Sara, could I see you in my office?"  
  
I turned around and stared at him. "Is this important 'cause I really need to be somewhere."  
  
"I wouldn't ask if it wasn't." He told me simply.  
  
"Fine." I said and exhaled deeply. We made our way into his office and he pointed at a chair.   
  
"Why don't you have a seat?"  
  
"I'd prefer to stand." I had no idea what this was about but I had a feeling I wasn't going to like it.  
  
"Okay." He sat against his desk and glared at me. Well, that's how it felt to me anyway. "Sara, I've heard some really disturbing things and if there's anything you want to talk about."  
  
"Disturbing things? I don't understand."   
  
Grissom took a deep breath. "I'm putting you on a personal leave."  
  
"What?" I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I think I just had a slight hearing loss. What did you just say?"  
  
"Sara, I'm concerned that you're being put under way too much stress and it's affecting your work and your judgments."  
  
"I don't believe this. Grissom, you can't do this to me."  
  
"I can and I did. I'm also going to suggest you seek counseling."  
  
"No." I was beyond angry. "Forget it. I don't need a shrink. I'm fine."  
  
"Go home and get some rest Sara. I'll call you later and check in." He walked closer to me and placed his hand on my shoulder.  
  
I felt defeated. I gazed into Grissom's eyes hoping to find something there telling me this was all a mistake and that I could go back to work. Instead, I saw the determined eyes of a man that wasn't going to back down. I had no choice. "Fine." I turned around and walked out of his office.   
  
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TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

I'm not sure how much time has gone by since Grissom sent me home. I just know I haven't left my bedroom for anything except to go to the bathroom. I refused to get out of bed for anything else. As soon as I came home, I unplugged the phone and turned the answering machine off. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't need their so-called sympathy. My stomach began growling, but I ignored it. I didn't want to eat and I really didn't want to be awake. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.   
  
"Sara." I heard someone whisper my name. I thought I was just imagining it, so I didn't respond. "Sara." The voice was louder and I felt someone touch my shoulder. I opened my eyes and as soon as I could focus I noticed Nick sitting down beside me.  
  
"Nick?" I must be still asleep. Why would Nick be in my bedroom?   
  
"Hey Sara." He placed his hand on my head.   
  
"What are you doing here?" I asked becoming more awake.  
  
"You weren't answering your phone and I was getting worried."  
  
I leaned up. "I unplugged the phone."   
  
"Sara, what's going on?" His voice seemed concerned but I know that he considers me like a younger sister. Nick's the only person that I know that didn't have an opinion about me coming to Vegas. Well, if he did, he kept it to himself.   
  
"Why does everyone keep asking me that? There's nothing wrong."   
  
"You've stayed to yourself for months, you haven't talked to anyone unless it was dealing with a case, and now you're not taking any calls. If that's not signs something is wrong, I don't know what is."  
  
I couldn't look at him anymore. I focused on a random spot across the room.   
  
"Are you hungry? I can fix you something." Nick offered.  
  
"I'm fine."   
  
"Sara, look at me."   
  
I turned my head around and stared at his face, but not in his eyes.   
  
"Whatever you're going through, I want you to know you don't have to do it alone. I'm here if you need me."  
  
'I will not cry, I will not cry.' I kept saying that to myself over and over. I was determined not to break down in front of anyone, especially not Nick. "I'm fine Nick. I've just not been talkative lately."  
  
"You know I don't believe a word of that right?"  
  
"I know you don't, but it's the truth." I looked directly into his eyes. "Could you please leave? I'm really exhausted."  
  
Nick looked very hesitant. "I'll make you a deal." He finally responded.  
  
"What kind of deal?"  
  
"Let me fix you something to eat and then after you're done, I'll leave so you can get some rest."  
  
"You can leave after you fix it." I told him.  
  
"Sara, you and I both know if I left, you wouldn't eat. That's why I'm staying." He stood up and kissed my forehead. "I'm going to make you some soup and some cheese toast."  
  
"Okay." I knew better to argue with Nick. I pulled my legs to my chest and rested my head on my knees. Closing my eyes, I drifted back off to sleep. Nick came back in and woke me. He sat my food down on the table and pulled me into a hug.  
  
"You're scaring me." He whispered.  
  
"What? Why?" I was confused.  
  
He pulled away from me and cupped my cheek. "I want to help you, but you have to want that too."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with me!" I shouted and jerked away from him. "Why can't you see that?"  
  
He gripped my shoulders tightly. "I do see, Sara. That's the point. I see what's going but you're lying to yourself and everyone else around you."  
  
"Get out." I told him coldly.  
  
"Sara."  
  
"GET OUT! GET OUT!" I screamed. I broke down and started crying. Nick just wrapped his arms around me and didn't let go. I think I cried harder than I ever have in my life in those few minutes. By the time I was done, I was extremely exhausted. Nick helped me get settled back in bed and covered me up. He leaned down and kissed my forehead.   
  
"Get some sleep, but I want you to promise me that you'll eat something when you wake up."  
  
I mumbled something that might have sounded like a promise, but I couldn't be too sure. I just let the darkness consume me.  
  
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TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews so far. Sorry for the delay.  
  
I woke up several hours later. I glanced at the clock and realized it was around six p.m. I forced myself out of bed and went to the bathroom. Once I was done, I washed my face and headed toward the kitchen. I noticed a note on my fridge. I pulled it down and read it.   
  
Sara, I put the soup in the fridge and threw the sandwich away. I figured it would be soggy and nasty by the time you woke up. Make another one and eat the soup. Remember you promised me. I'll call you later and check on you. Nick.  
  
I couldn't help but smile at Nick's kindness. Unfortunately, I wasn't in the mood to eat, but apparently I had promised to. I decided that to eat a small amount, that way I wouldn't break my promise. I took the soup out and warmed it up in the microwave. I poured myself a glass of water and waited for the soup to finish. As soon as it was done, I took it out and grabbed a spoon. I took ate about two spoonfuls when my stomach began hurting. I couldn't eat anymore. I grabbed a trash bag and dumped the soup in it. I walked out of my apartment and threw the bag in the dumpster. I walked back inside and sat down on my couch. I was flipping through the channels and stopped on a baby show. Tears began pouring down my face. The baby was tiny and my hands went straight to my stomach. 'I can't watch this.' I quickly turned the channel and heard a knock on my door. 'Who could that be?' I walked over to the door and to my surprise found Catherine standing outside. I opened the door. "Catherine."  
  
She smiled. "Hey Sara. Can I come in?"  
  
"Sure." I stepped aside allowing her to come in. She made her way over to my couch and sat down.   
  
I plopped down on my chair and focused on her. "So, what's going on?"  
  
"I wanted to come by and see how you were doing."  
  
"I'm fine." I told her, really not wanting to get in this discussion.   
  
"Sara, I know we've not been getting along lately. I've been pretty short with you since Eddie's death and I'm really sorry about that."  
  
"I thought we were over that."   
  
"We are. I mean, I am. It's just I've been thinking about my actions around you lately and I've realized that I haven't been much a friend."  
  
"To be honest Catherine, we really weren't that great of friends before. Let's face it; you hated the fact I was asked to come here. Not only was I asked to come, but to investigate one of your friends. I can't say that I would have acted differently from you if our places had been switched."  
  
"I know and I'm sorry Sara."  
  
"Forget it. It doesn't really matter anymore."   
  
"Of course it matters. Sara, if I'm part of the reason you're acting the way you are, I want to do something about it."  
  
I couldn't take this anymore. "Catherine, you have nothing to do with how I feel. And as far as the way I'm acting, I'm not any different than I was before."  
  
"That's not true Sara, you're more withdrawn. You don't smile, you don't joke around with Nick and Warrick, and you're just not the Sara we know."  
  
"How could you possibly know anything about me?" I asked. "None of you do. All you know is that I'm a workaholic who gets emotionally involved with some cases. That's all you know besides where I was born and where I graduated from school."  
  
"Sara, I know you enough to tell when something is off and something is very off."  
  
"Why do you care anyway?"  
  
"Because you're my friend. No matter what I've said to you or how I treated you lately, it doesn't mean that I don't care. We all do."  
  
"I'm fine. I'm just tired." I told her.  
  
Catherine looked like she was going to say something else but I stopped her. "Look, I'm just not feeling well. I think I'm coming down with something. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want you guys to worry about me."  
  
"I don't think that's it. You've been acting this way since the lab exploded, and it's only got worse since that teenage girl was murdered."  
  
My mind flashed back to seeing Suzanne's body lying in her driveway. I couldn't save her. I couldn't save anyone. "Catherine, I'm really tired. Would you mind leaving?"  
  
She sent me a worried gaze. "All right, but I want you to know that if you need anything, you can call me."  
  
I nodded. "Okay. Thanks for coming by." I told her trying to sound cheerful.  
  
She stood up and headed for the door. She opened it and before she walked out, she turned to me. "If you can't talk to me, please find someone to talk to. I don't know what's going on, but you need help." With that said, she left closing the door behind her. I went back to my bedroom and crawled under the covers.   
  
I woke up once more and checked the clock. It was around nine p.m. I should be going to work. Of course, thanks to Warrick, I'm still very much alive. I don't want to be here. I was determined to jump off the roof. I needed to do that. I just wanted to be free. A tear slid down my cheek. I heard a knock at the door. I swear I've had more company today than I've had my entire existence. I got out of bed and made my way to the door. I opened the door to reveal Grissom. 'Great, just what I needed.'   
  
"Hello Sara."  
  
"Grissom." I replied coolly.   
  
"I wanted to stop by and see how you were. I tried calling but you're not answering your phone."  
  
"I unplugged it."   
  
Grissom nodded. "I thought you might. Do you mind if I come in?"  
  
I stepped aside. "Be my guest." Grissom walked by me and sat down on my couch just like Catherine did a few hours before me. Again I went to my spot in the chair. "So, what brings you by on a work night?"  
  
"I wanted to see how you were doing."  
  
"Well, I haven't slit my wrists yet, if that's what you're worried about." I told him not caring how horrible and mean I sounded.   
  
"Sara." That one word had many meanings to it. He wasn't too thrilled with my answer and he sounded upset.  
  
"I'm sorry. I thought that's what you wanted to hear."  
  
Grissom stood up and bent down in front of me. "What I want to hear is you laugh. What I want to hear is you joking around with the others." He took my hand. "I want you to get better and you're not going to if you don't get help."  
  
"Why does everyone think something's wrong with me? Why can't I just be depressed?" I asked feeling tears welling up threatening to fall.   
  
"Honey, please tell me what's wrong."  
  
"I can't." I told him. "Please leave." Tears began falling and I couldn't stop them if I tried. "Grissom, would you please just leave me alone."  
  
He shook his head. "No." He pulled me into a hug, which is something I would have never expected from him. I can't believe this. First, I balled my eyes out in front of Nicky and now Grissom. 'No wonder they think I'm a mess.' I pulled away from Grissom and wiped my eyes.   
  
"I'm okay." I simply replied.  
  
Grissom glanced down at his watch. "I need to go to work, but I'll stay if you want me to."  
  
I shook my head. "You should go. The lab needs you." If Grissom was offended by that last remark, he didn't show it. Instead he stood up and gave me a smile.  
  
"If you need anything, call me."  
  
I nodded and watched him leave. "Why am I always running my mouth when he's around?" I asked myself. "Now he thinks I really am crazy. Of course I am standing here talking to myself." I walked back into the bedroom and sat down on my bed. My stomach began growling but I ignored it. I'm losing control of other things, but I know the one thing that I can control. I crawled under the covers and went to sleep.  
  
TBC 


	4. Chapter 4

Into the Darkness Chapter 4...disclaimer in ch. 1  
  
A week later, Grissom was kind enough to let me come back to work. I walked around the lab smiling and talking to everyone. I made my way into the break room and found Nick and Warrick sitting at the table eating some doughnuts. "Hey guys." I replied.  
  
"Hey Sara." Warrick greeted me.  
  
"Hey Sar." Nick said. "Want a doughnut?"  
  
"No thanks Nick. I have to watch my figure." I told him.  
  
"Yeah, like you need to worry about that." Warrick replied.  
  
I laughed. "Well, not all of us are naturally toned as you are." I sat down beside Nick and leaned my head back. It was good being at work.   
  
"We're going out for breakfast after shift if you wanna come Sara." Nick informed me.  
  
"I'm not sure. Let's see how I feel after this shift first. I'm sort of used to being lazy."  
  
"All right. Just remember, the invitation is open."  
  
"Thanks."   
  
Grissom and Catherine both walked in and Grissom started handing out assignments. Sara, you and Warrick have a breaking and entering case. Nick, you're with Catherine and me. I stood up and smiled at Warrick. "Ready?"  
  
"Sure thing." He got up and together we made our way of the break room.  
  
We arrived at the scene and Warrick and I walked up to Brass. He nodded at us and informed us on the case. As soon he was done, he smiled at me. "It's nice to have you back Sara."  
  
"Thanks Brass." I told him. I glanced at Warrick. "Where do you want to start?"  
  
"I'll take the body, if you want the perimeter."   
  
"Sounds good." I headed outside and began searching around. I started getting really dizzy. All of a sudden blackness started to fill my eyes and I couldn't see. I fell.   
  
"Sara." I heard my name. "Come on sweetie, wake up."   
  
My eyes fluttered and then finally opened. I looked into the concerned face of Warrick. "Warrick?" My head hurt.  
  
Warrick wrapped his arm under me and pulled me up against him. "Sara, what happened?"  
  
"I don't remember. I was walking and then all of a sudden I didn't feel so good."  
  
"Can you stand?"  
  
I nodded. "I think so." He helped me stand and my legs were incredibly shaky, but I managed not to fall down. We walked back toward the Denali. Warrick's arm was around my shoulder.   
  
"I want you to stay here. I'll finish up."  
  
"No, I'm fine now. I can help."   
  
"You look pale. I think you should just rest." He opened the door for me and I sat down with out another word. "I'll be back soon."  
  
"Okay." I leaned back against the door and closed my eyes. I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I know is Warrick is driving on the interstate. "Hey."  
  
"Hey, how are you feeling?"  
  
"Better. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened back there."  
  
"Sara, can I ask you something?"  
  
"I guess."   
  
He glanced over at me for a moment. "Are you still thinking about jumping off the roof?"  
  
I was shocked at his honesty. "No, I'm not and before you ask, I'm not going to kill myself."  
  
"Good, because you really had me scared."  
  
I turned to face him. "Warrick, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Are you sorry I came here?"  
  
"What?" Warrick pulled the car over on the side of the road and turned it off. He then faced me. "Sara, why would you even ask that?"  
  
"I just needed to know. The only reason I came here was because Grissom asked me to investigate you."  
  
He pulled me into a hug. "Sara, we didn't hit if off well at first, but we've become really good friends. No, I'm not sorry you came. Is that why you've been upset?"  
  
"It's some of the reason." I told him truthfully, but I will never tell him the main reason. I'm not going to tell anyone.  
  
Warrick pulled back from me. "What's the rest?"  
  
"I can't tell you."   
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because it's way too personal. I'm sorry Warrick." I faced the window letting Warrick know I was done with this discussion. He took the hint and finally started the car back up. We headed back toward the lab, each one of us lost in our own thoughts.   
  
TBC 


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the reviews. Disclaimer is the same as chapter 1.  
  
We arrived back at the lab and I took the evidence we collected to Greg. When I walked in the lab, he was blaring his music. I wasn't sure what band it was, but it sounded pretty good. "Hey Greg."  
  
He turned around in his chair and smiled. "Hey Sara." He quickly turned the music down. "It's good to see you."  
  
"It's good to see you too. What group is that?" I asked still able to hear some of the lyrics.   
  
"Kill Hannah. They're pretty awesome. The song's called Kennedy." He noticed the evidence bags in my hand. "So, what did you bring me?"  
  
"Just some samples I need for you to run." I said and handed them to him.  
  
"Awesome. I'll get this done right away."  
  
"Thanks Greg." I turned around and headed toward the door.  
  
"Hey Sara."  
  
I turned around. "Yeah?"  
  
"If you ever need to talk, I'm here." His expression was serious and his face looked older than usual.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Yeah, that's what I kept telling everyone too after the explosion." Greg replied.  
  
"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say.   
  
"I still have nightmares. I can smell the smoke and fell the heat. Sometimes I'll be sitting here in the lab and wonder if I'm going to survive the night."  
  
I walked over to Greg and gave him a hug. I felt him squeeze my back and then he pulled away. I tried to give him a smile.  
  
"Do you still have nightmares?" He asked me.  
  
"Sometimes, but mine are different."  
  
"Want to talk about them?"  
  
"No, I'm sorry Greg." I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable. "I need to go and check on Warrick. Page me when you get the results okay."  
  
"Sure." Greg turned around and cranked his music up a little louder. I left the lab and headed straight for the break room. I needed some coffee. I walked in to find Nick fixing himself a cup. He smiled at me when I came in.  
  
"Hey Sar."  
  
"Hey Nicky, I hope that's fresh." I replied pointing at the coffee.  
  
"Yep, just made it myself."  
  
"Nice." He poured me a cup and we both sat down on the couch. I took a sip and sat the cup down on the table. "Man, I feel so exhausted."  
  
"You look tired."  
  
"Thanks a lot Nick." I said.  
  
"I wasn't saying you look horrible, you just look like you could use some sleep."  
  
"I will when I go home."  
  
Nick took a sip of his coffee. "So, I guess you're not going to join us for breakfast."  
  
"I'm sorry Nick. Can I take a rain check?"   
  
Nick placed his hand on his chin. "Hmmm. Let me think about that for a moment. Do I want Sara Sidle having breakfast with me?" He glanced at me. "I guess that would be okay."  
  
I had to laugh. "I'm sorry that decision was so hard for you to make. I hope you didn't damage any brain cells."  
  
"Really funny Sar."   
  
"I'm here all night." My pager went off. I glanced down and noticed it was from Greg. "That's Greg. He must have my results ready." I stood up and immediately fell back down.  
  
"Sara." Nick set his cup down and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Honey, are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine. I just stood up way too fast."  
  
"Are you sure?" Nick glanced down at my hands. "Because you're shaking."  
  
I glanced down and realized not only were my hands shaking but so was my whole body. I started feeling sick, just like I did at the crime scene. I closed my eyes and willed the dizziness to go away.  
  
"Sara. You're scaring me. I'm going to call Grissom and let him know I'm taking you home."  
  
"Nick." I started but he cut me off.  
  
"No Sara, you're going home. You shouldn't be here." Nick pulled out his cell phone and dialed Grissom's number. "Hey Griss, listen Sara's not feeling well and I'm going to take her home." He paused for a moment. "Yeah, I'll tell Warrick. Thanks Grissom." He hung the phone up and faced me. "Let's get you out of here."  
  
"What about the case?"  
  
"Warrick can handle it until I get back." Nick helped me up and draped his arm around me and we walked toward the parking deck. I was home before I knew it. Nick helped me inside and in my bed. After tucking me in, he kissed my forehead. "I'll be right back."  
  
I nodded and closed my eyes. Nick was gone for a few minutes and came back in with a very upset look on his face.  
  
"Sara, what are you doing to yourself?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You have absolutely no food in your fridge or your cabinet. Why?"  
  
"I just haven't been to the grocery store." I told him.  
  
"Don't lie to me Sara." He sat down beside me as I leaned up. "When's the last time you ate something?"  
  
I stared into his eyes and realized I couldn't lie to him. "Last week when you made me soup."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Nick, I'm anorexic."   
  



	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for the reviews...just wanted to let you know this will be a N/S story.  
  
Right at this moment, I wish I had the ability to read minds. Nick was quiet, too quiet. I couldn't stand the silence. I felt like he was judging me. I knew he hated me and what I've become. Well, he's not the only one. I'm not exactly pleased with myself either. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I have to do it. I need to.  
  
Nick was staring at me. Finally, he broke the silence. "Why Sara? Why are you doing this?"  
  
I felt a tear slide down my cheek. "I have to."  
  
Nick wiped my tear away and pulled me into his arms. I cried harder and buried my head into his neck and shoulder. "Sara, honey, why do you feel like you have to do this?"  
  
I pulled away and he reached for my hands and held them. He was giving me the strength I needed to talk to him. "It's a long story."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere." He assured me.  
  
"I'm losing control Nick. I'm losing control of my life and everything around it. I think it started when I learned that Hank was using me to cheat on his girlfriend. I felt stupid for not noticing the signs before. Then, somewhere in the back of my mind, I needed to get control again. The day of the explosion, I was following Grissom around. I was determined to take charge and I felt by asking Grissom out that I would be making a step in the right direction. Well, he was extremely busy and people kept stopping him and talking about cases, so I turned around and headed back. That's when I walked past the lab and it exploded. I lost control again." I took a deep breath and stared at the floor.  
  
Nick squeezed my hands. "You're doing good. Just take your time."  
  
I nodded and continued. "I was sitting outside thinking about how close I came to being killed. I was worried about Greg and I kept asking myself if there was something I could have done to stop it. I know that I couldn't have prevented it, but I couldn't keep that thought from the back of my mind. Grissom came up to me and took my hand. He called me honey and told me that my hand didn't look so good. I took this as a good sign, that maybe Grissom felt something for me. I came back from the hospital and I remember staring at my I.D. thinking that I was alive and I believed I had some control back. Then I got in trouble with Brass by not obeying orders."  
  
Nick understood that. "I seem to recall asking you if you thought you were indestructible."  
  
I smiled. "I think I did."  
  
"Okay, so what changed to make you feel that you weren't in charge of your life anymore?"  
  
"I asked Grissom out, he said no. Nick, I was so pathetic. I was begging Grissom to give us a chance. He just told me that he didn't know what to do about it. I said I did and by the time he figured it out, it would be too late."  
  
"What do you mean too late? What were you planning on doing?"  
  
"Nothing at the time. I was trying to scare Grissom into changing his mind. It didn't work." I gave Nick a half smile. "Anyway, my life seems to have taken downward spiral since then. I wasn't able to find out who murdered Eddie. I couldn't save Suzanna. Catherine is constantly pissed off at me and Grissom refuses to be near me anymore than he has too."  
  
"I understand that you're hurting and you're upset. What I don't understand is why you're not eating."  
  
"Eating is the only thing in my life that I can control and I can't lose that."   
  
"I know there's more going on than what you've told me. I want to help, but I can't until you tell me everything."  
  
I nodded. "You know when you're little and you parents like to brag on you?"  
  
Nick smiled. "Yeah, I remember that all to well. In fact, there was a few times I wished they kept their mouths shut."  
  
"So do I, only for different reasons. I was always compared with other girls. My parents would say stuff like 'Sara, why can't you be more like so and so'. Or 'Sara, why can't act more like the other girls in your class.' I hated it. I never liked being compared to other people. In fact, they kept throwing things in my face about how beautiful some people were. So, I started believing them. I began to think I wasn't good enough and I wasn't pretty enough. I had to take control of my life. I was doing fine too, I went to college and I got a job. It was only when I came here that my life starting spinning out of control."  
  
"Sara, your parents were wrong. You are beautiful and you're amazing. You're the most caring and wonderful person I know."  
  
I was touched by his words and I really wanted to believe him. Of course my brain was telling me that no one could care about someone like me. I glanced over at him and his eyes seemed to burn in mine. "Did Warrick tell you?" I asked needing to know if Nick knew about what I had planned on the roof.  
  
"Tell me what?"  
  
"About me being on the roof."  
  
"No, he didn't." Nick let go of my hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"  
  
I took a deep breath. "I had made my mind up that I couldn't handle life anymore. I was determined to make the one choice I could and than I wouldn't have to worry about the pain and depression."  
  
"You were going to jump." Nick's comment was mixed with disbelief and concern.  
  
"I was until Warrick came and stopped me." I confirmed.  
  
"Thank God he did."  
  
I stared down at the floor unable to look at Nick. I knew that he was disgusted with me. I didn't blame him. I know what I've become and I don't like it.   
  
"I understand why you feel the need to control your life, but becoming anorexic isn't the answer Sara." He placed his hand under my chin forcing me to look at him. "Do you understand that if you keep this up, you're going to kill yourself? You're not a quitter Sara, you never have been."  
  
"I can't take it anymore Nick. I feel like a stranger in my own body." I knew I was going to wear down soon and I only hoped Nick would be there when I did.  
  
"You don't have to feel that way. I'm going to help you. Please, just let me help."  
  
That's all I needed to hear. I reached over and wrapped my arms around him and cried. "I don't want to die." I told him and I didn't.   
  
He held me tighter. "I'm not going to let you. We're going to get through this together."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
He leaned back and looked me in the eyes. "I promise." He kissed my forehead and embraced me once more.   
  
TBC 


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks again for the reviews. Warning this chapter contains sexual situations.  
  
Nick called in at work and talked to Grissom. I heard him telling Grissom that he was going to take some vacation time to help me with my problem. Nick didn't tell him what my problem was exactly, but Grissom must have agreed because when Nick hung up the phone he was smiling at me.   
  
"I take it Grissom gave you the okay."  
  
"When it comes to your well-being, how could he say no?" He replied and wrapped me in a hug. I knew even if Grissom had not given Nick permission to stay out, Nick would have anyway. I held on tightly to him and then finally pulled away.  
  
"Thank you Nick, for everything."  
  
He smiled. "You're welcome. So, are you ready to go grocery shopping?"  
  
"I think so." I walked over and grabbed my purse and keys. We headed out the apartment and got into Nick's vehicle. Neither one of us spoke on the way. I was busy glancing out the window wondering if I'll really be able to get over my eating disorder. I know Nick will be there for me when he can, but what about the times he's not? Will I be strong enough? I could feel Nick's eyes on me, so I turned to face him. I offered him a small smile.  
  
"We're going to get through this Sara." He replied as if he could read my thoughts.  
  
"I hope so."  
  
He took my hand and squeezed it. "We are. I know it's not going to be easy but I promised you I was going to help, and I'm not backing down on it."  
  
We arrived at the grocery store and got out. Nick took my hand and we walked inside. He released my hand and grabbed a buggy. We began walking down the produce aisle. "So, what do you want?" He asked me.  
  
I took a look at the different fruits and vegetables and none of them looked appetizing. I turned to Nick. "I can't do this."  
  
"Yes you can." He told me. He then began picking out different things. He grabbed some apples, grapes, cucumbers, tomatoes, and lettuce. After he was doing picking out produce for me, we headed toward the next aisle. Nick found something for me in every aisle. In fact, I don't ever remember my grocery cart being as full as it is now, even before my eating disorder. We finally made it to the register. I began pulling out some money from my purse, but he stopped me. "I've got it." He paid the cashier before I could even argue with him.  
  
We were back in my apartment unloading the groceries. "You didn't have to buy them Nick."  
  
"I know, but I wanted to."  
  
I smiled at him. "Thank you."  
  
He walked over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "You're welcome." He kissed my forehead. "So, what can I make you for supper?" He stepped away and continued helping me unload.  
  
"I'm not sure. What do you want, besides a steak, baked potato, and a salad?"   
  
"Stop teasing me, that sounds really good. Although, I'm not sure you'd appreciate me cooking meat on your stove."  
  
"As much as you're doing for me, I wouldn't care." I meant it to. I hated that I'm depending this much on Nick, but I know that if I didn't have him I'd be a lot worse.  
  
"Can I take a rain check?" He asked.  
  
"Sure. If you're not tired of my company by then."  
  
He stopped and stared at me. "I could never be tired of you or your company. In fact, I would love to spend more time with you."  
  
Now, was he saying this because of my eating disorder or something else? "Well, we'll see how you feel after everything is over."  
  
Nick wrapped his arms around me. "Stop worrying about that. I'm not going to leave you."  
  
"I hope not."  
  
He pulled away. "Now, let's fix you some food. We'll start off with something simple and work our way up."  
  
"Sounds good." I watched as Nick made his way around my kitchen. He looked so natural, just like he belonged there. He didn't even have to ask where I kept things. I sat down at the table and continued staring. Nick finally brought me a plate and set it down in front of me. It had a blueberry muffin.   
  
"Try this first. It's like your appetizer."   
  
I glanced down at the muffin and it no longer looked like food. To my mind, food was the enemy. Nick sat down beside me. He waited and watched as I reached over and pulled a piece of the muffin apart. I put it to my mouth and I couldn't do it. I set it back down. "I can't do this Nick."  
  
He placed his arm around my shoulder. "Yes, you can. Just take one bite."  
  
I tried again and I couldn't do it. I got so frustrated; I threw the muffin across the room. "Damn it!" I placed my head in my heads and began crying. Nick grabbed a hold of me and literally pulled me into his lap. He began rocking me back and forth; his hands were rubbing my back.  
  
"It's okay honey, it's going to take some time." I buried my head into his neck and continued crying. After a while, I calmed down and pulled back from Nick. I was still in his lap but I don't think either of us minded.   
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"I know. I have an idea." He gently placed removed me from his lap and walked to the fridge and grabbed a jello smoothie cup. "This isn't bad and it has a few nutrients."  
  
I took the cup and opened it. Nick handed me a spoon and I stared down at the cup. I can do this. I got some on my spoon and took a bite. It tasted wonderful. I ate another bite and smiled up at Nick. He grinned back. "See, you can do it."  
  
I finished the jello and threw the cup in the trashcan. Nick helped me up and we walked into the living room. "What do you want to do now?" I asked.  
  
"We could watch a movie or something."  
  
"That sounds good." Nick walked over to my DVD selection and browsed through the titles. He noticed Finding Nemo and turned to face me.   
  
"It's Lindsey's. She let me borrow it."  
  
"Yeah, sure it is." He replied. He turned back around and continued scanning my shelves. He finally pulled out Cabin Fever. "Horror movie buff, huh?"  
  
"Nothing like a good scary movie." I told him.   
  
"Because we don't see enough carnage at work."  
  
I smiled. "I like trying to figure out who the killer is."  
  
"I bet you loved Scream." He said.  
  
"I did. In fact, I figured it out." I told him.  
  
"Yeah right. How did you know that there were two killers instead of one?"  
  
"I'm not saying a word. And before you ask, I figured out the killer in the Faculty as well."  
  
Nick smiled. "So, who is the killer in this one?" He asked holding the Cabin Fever DVD.  
  
"A skin virus." I answered.  
  
"Sounds promising. Do you want to watch it?"  
  
"Sure, put it in." Nick walked over to the television and turned it on. He then put the DVD in the DVD player and came back and settled down beside me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I placed my head against him. We stayed that way until the movie was over.   
  
Once the DVD went off, Nick turned to me. "You look tired. I should leave and let you get some rest."  
  
I didn't want him to go. "You don't have to leave."  
  
"You're tired."  
  
I took his hand. "I'm not that tired. Besides, I don't want you to go." I told him honestly.  
  
Nick smiled. "So, what do you suggest we do next?"  
  
I have no idea where I gained my courage; in fact what I did next required no thought process at all. I leaned over and brushed my lips against his. The kiss lasted only a few seconds and I pulled away. Nick looked horrified. 'Oh God, what I have done?'   
  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." I replied feeling totally embarrassed. I stood up. "Maybe you go."  
  
"Sara." Nick said and reached for me and turned me around to face him. "I'm not leaving and I'm sure as hell not sorry." He bent down kissed me. The kiss sent shivers through my body. I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. I could feel Nick's tongue probing mine. My hands worked their way down to Nick's shirt and slid under it. I could feel his hot, smooth flesh against my hands and at that moment, I wanted Nick more than anything.  
  
Nick's hands weren't idle either. He managed to place his hands under my shirt as well. He worked his way towards my back and unhooked my bra. I knew where this was going to end up and I wasn't about to stop it. Nick and I parted when the need for oxygen became great. I was breathing extremely heavy and so was he. Our hands were still on each other's bodies. "Maybe we should take this to the bedroom." I suggested.  
  
Nick's only response was to remove his hands from under my shirt and picked me up. He carried me to my bedroom and set me down on my bed. He was on top of me immediately. We began kissing again and Nick slowly worked his way down my neck. My hands found their way back to his toned stomach and I tried jerking his shirt off. I wasn't very successful. Nick laughed against my skin and pulled away long enough to rid himself of his shirt. "Better?"   
  
"Much." I replied and pulled him back down on me. I began kissing him fiercely wanting to touch every part of him. He pulled back and smiled.   
  
"You're over dressed." He said and removed my shirt along with my bra. His mouth continued its way down along my chest. I could feel my skin burn from every kiss he gave me. Nick stopped when he got a good look at my chest and stomach. It was smaller and he could see my ribs. He gently placed kisses on my stomach and worked his way back up. He pulled away and stared at me. "Sara, I need to know something."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I need you to promise me something."  
  
"Okay."  
  
He touched my sides. "You can't give up. I want you to promise me that you won't give up and you're going to get better."  
  
"I promise."   
  
He smiled. "Good, because I don't want to lose you."  
  
"I don't want to lose you either." I replied and pulled back down to me. I kissed him deeply and let my hands roam some more. I began learning where all Nick's sensitive places were and he learned all of mine. Nick's hands began their descent toward my jeans. He unbuttoned them and moved his hand down near my center. He was about there when the phone rang. He stopped and glanced up at me.   
  
I didn't want him to stop, but I wasn't sure who was on the phone. "I'm sorry." I stated and grabbed the phone. "Hello?"  
  
"Hey Sara, it's Warrick."  
  
"Hey Warrick, how are you?" I glanced down at Nick and noticed the unhappy expression on his face. I had to keep from laughing.  
  
"I'm fine. I was calling to see how you were doing?"  
  
"I'm doing better."  
  
"Is Nick taking care of you?"   
  
I smiled. "Yeah. Nick's taking good care of me." Nick rolled his eyes and held his hand out. "Um, Warrick, Nick wants to talk to you." I handed the phone to him and leaned back.  
  
"Hey Warrick." Nick greeted.  
  
"Hey man. How's it going?"  
  
"Not bad. Sara and I just finished watching a movie."   
  
"That's cool. How is she really doing?"   
  
"She's going to be fine. Thanks for calling Warrick and checking on her. I'll talk to you sometime tomorrow." He hung up the phone and turned his focus on me.   
  
"Don't you think Warrick's going to wonder why you hung up so fast?" I asked.  
  
"Nah, and if he does, he can ask me later. Besides, you told him I was taking care of you and that's all he needs to know." Nick leaned back down and began kissing me again. I wrapped my arms around him and felt myself get lost into him. His hands began to travel back down to my panties. He pulled away long enough to look into my eyes as if asking my permission. 'Always the gentleman.' I thought.   
  
I nodded. I wanted this and I really think Nick wanted it to.  
  
TBC 


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks again for the reviews.   
  
I awoke sometime the next morning. Nick's arm was across my stomach and I couldn't help smile. I didn't want to wake him up, but I really needed to use the bathroom. I gently lifted up his arm and crawled out of the sheets. I grabbed Nick's shirt and pulled it on. 'I'll give it back once he wakes up.' I told myself and proceeded to the bathroom. As soon as I was done, I washed my hands and face. I stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were still dark and I looked pretty pale. It's because I'm not eating. I decided that I was going to make Nick a wonderful breakfast. I went into the kitchen and began pulling things out of the cabinets. I was facing the sink when I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. Nick leaned down and kissed my neck. "Morning."  
  
I smiled. "Hey." I turned to face him. "How did you sleep?"  
  
"Great. You?"  
  
"Wonderful thanks to you." I leaned over and kissed him. He responded in full and pushed me against the sink. We pulled apart and I grinned. "I could get use to that."  
  
"So could I." Nick finally began looking around. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Making you breakfast. Or at least I was going to until you came in here and distracted me."  
  
He smiled. "Sorry." He said though he wasn't the least bit sorry. In fact, I'm sure he felt no guilt what so ever. "While you're doing that, I'm going to take a shower."  
  
"Okay." He leaned down and kissed me again. It was quick and he began walking toward the bathroom. "By the way, my shirt looks amazing on you."  
  
I laughed and went back to fixing breakfast. As soon as Nick was out of the shower, I had eggs, pancakes, and biscuits ready on the table for him. I would have made something with meat for him, but I didn't have anything. Nick walked in. "Smells good."  
  
"I hope it tastes good." I replied.  
  
"I'm sure it will." He took a seat at the table. "Are you going to join me?"  
  
I wasn't sure if I could eat the food. I had no problem making it because I was doing it for Nick. He deserves so much more than this for putting up with me. "Nick, I'm not sure if." I couldn't finish because Nick held his hand out to me.  
  
"You can Sar, just take a few bites of something."  
  
I took his hand and sat down beside him. He grabbed a plate and placed a small portion of eggs and then a small pancake. He placed it in front of me and then got himself some food. He grabbed his fork and turned to me waiting.  
  
I took a deep breath and reached for my fork. I noticed Nick didn't have anything to drink. "You want me to make you some coffee?" I asked.  
  
"Later, right now I want you to eat."  
  
I stared down at my food and the portion looked humongous. I glanced back up and noticed that Nick was still watching me. "Why can't I do this?" I whispered and I could feel tears beginning to form.   
  
"You can. Right now you're not thinking straight. You have it in your head that you need to control everything and that by eating you're going to lose that control. Honey, that's not true. What you don't see is that your eating disorder is taking control of you."  
  
I honestly never thought of it that way before. I let the tears fall and Nick wrapped his arms around me. I could feel his strength and I relished in it. I pulled away and stared at my food. "I'm going to do this." I replied with a new determination. I grabbed my fork and took a bite of some eggs. Nick was watching and then suddenly I made a face.  
  
"What's wrong sweetie?" He asked.  
  
"It's cold." I said giving him a smile. "I should warm these up." I glanced at his plate. "I should probably warm yours as well."   
  
Nick returned my smile and pulled me into a hug. "I love you Sara."  
  
My mind was reeling. That was the first time he's ever said that to me. He didn't say it last night during the time we were together, but he is now. I couldn't believe it. "I love you too." I pulled back and kissed him. We kissed for a few moments and then broke apart. "Our food's getting cold." I reminded him.  
  
He nodded and I took our plates and warmed them. We both ate and I was able to finish eating everything that was on my plate. I know it sounds silly, but I was really proud of myself. There's no way I could have done this without Nick.   
  
Later that afternoon, Nick and I decided that we should let the others know what was going on. It was going to be hard, but they had a right to know. Nick called them and they all agreed to come over. Warrick was the first one to arrive. I answered the door and he gave me a hug. "Hey girl."  
  
"Hey War."  
  
"It's really good to see you." He told me and pulled back.  
  
"I missed you too." I stepped aside to let him in. He headed straight for the couch and flopped down. Nick walked in and the two men exchanged their hellos. Nick placed a pitcher of tea on the table and some cups.   
  
Warrick raised an eyebrow. "Tea? Don't tell me you've given up coffee."   
  
"No, we've got coffee too. I just thought Catherine might bring Lindsey by." Nick explained.  
  
Warrick nodded. "Okay."  
  
The others started arriving one by one. Soon, my living room was filled with my co-workers and friends. Warrick, Catherine, and Grissom were sitting on the couch, while Greg and Lindsey took the two chairs. Nick glanced over at me and I nodded. It was now or never. "I want to thank you all for coming." I began.  
  
"We wouldn't be anywhere Sara." Grissom told me.  
  
"Thanks." I turned to Lindsey. "Hey Linds, I'm not sure if you want to hear what's been going on with me lately. So, I'm going to leave it up to you and your mom."  
  
Catherine glanced over at her daughter. "Lindsey, do you think you can handle listening to her?"  
  
"I think so. Besides, I'm worried about Sara and I want her to get better."  
  
I was touched by her words. "Thanks Lindsey." I walked to the center of the room and looked at each one of them in turn. "I've been really depressed lately and I was going to jump off the roof but Warrick found me."  
  
Lindsey began crying and the others except Warrick were shocked. I walked over to Lindsey and bent down in front of her. "I'm sorry if I'm scaring you. You can go in my room and watch tv if you want to." I wiped a tear off her cheek.  
  
Lindsey wrapped her arms around me. "Don't die Sara."  
  
I held her tightly. "I'm not." She pulled away.   
  
"Okay. Can I watch tv now?"   
  
"Sure." I stood up and reached for her hand. We walked together toward my bedroom. Once inside, I grabbed the remote and handed it to her. She jumped on my bed and leaned back. "If you need anything, call me okay."  
  
"I will." I was started heading back out. "Aunt Sara."  
  
I turned around. "Yeah?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
I smiled. "I love you Linds." I walked out and made my way back in the living room. The others were quietly talking. I gave them an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry." I directed more toward Catherine.  
  
The older woman nodded. "She might still have some questions."  
  
"I'm sorry. I should have made her go straight to my room." I felt incredibly horrible. I can't do anything right.   
  
"Sara, I'm not mad at you. You warned us both."  
  
"I know."   
  
Warrick wrapped his arm around Catherine. "It's okay Cath. I'll talk to her later as well since I'm the one that caught Sara."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Grissom glanced over at me. "You have more to tell us, don't you?"  
  
"You're good. Maybe you should be a CSI."  
  
"Funny." Grissom commented. "Continue."  
  
I glanced over at Nick and he walked over and reached for my hand. I needed his strength to tell them and he was offering it to me. I sighed and turned to my friends. "I've been losing control of everything. I didn't like who I was or what I'm becoming. Last week, I decided to take some control back."  
  
"What did you do?" Greg asked speaking for the first time since we all got together.  
  
"I developed an eating disorder. I'm anorexic." Tears began trailing down my cheeks. "I stopped eating last week and that's why I was getting dizzy."  
  
Warrick nodded. "I thought you were getting thinner. I just thought it was from depression."  
  
"It was, well some of it."   
  
"Are you eating now?" Grissom replied.  
  
"Last night was the first night I ate something. Nick found out and drug me grocery shopping. It's still hard for me to eat. I'm trying, but it's not easy."  
  
Warrick stood up and wrapped me in a hug. "I'm so sorry." He pulled back and kissed my forehead. "I'm here Sara. Anytime you need me, call okay."  
  
"I will."  
  
Everyone took his or her turn embracing me. Each one saying that they were going to help me in any way possible. I told them thank you and soon they started packing up to leave. Grissom walked over to me. "Sara, I know that Nick's helping you and we're all going to help as well, but I seriously think you should get counseling. Eating disorders aren't easy to lose and even if you're getting better, it's easy to start again."  
  
"I know. When can I come back to work?"  
  
"Right now, you're not emotionally or physically ready. I'm serious about seeking help Sara. In fact, I'm not going to let you come back until you've spoken to someone and they tell me you're ready."  
  
Nick walked up and wrapped his arm around me. "Don't worry Griss, I'll make sure she does."  
  
"Thanks Nick." Grissom faced me again. "I'm here if you need me."  
  
"I know. Thank you." Grissom nodded and then left. Soon everyone was gone with the exception of Nick and I knew he wasn't going to leave any time soon.   
  
"I'm proud of you." He told me.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah. You took a big step telling them what's wrong and realizing you need help."  
  
"They had a right to know." I walked over to the couch and sat down. Nick followed suit and was right beside me. "What do you want to do now?"  
  
"We could watch a movie." He suggested.  
  
"Sounds good. You pick it out."  
  
Nick smiled. "Okay." He stood up and kissed my forehead. He worked his way through my DVDs and pulled out Finding Nemo. "You forgot to give Lindsey her movie back."  
  
"She can get when she comes over again."   
  
Nick nodded and took the movie out and put it in the player. I smiled as he sat down beside me pulling me closer to him. "Finding Nemo Nick? That's the movie you want to watch?"  
  
He smiled. "I happen to like it and besides we need some comedy in our lives right now."  
  
I couldn't argue with that. I snuggled closer to him and we watched the movie.  
  
TBC 


	9. Chapter 9

I just want to say thanks so much for the reviews so far. You all have been really great.  
  
We both drifted off to sleep during the movie. I opened my eyes and glanced over at the clock. It was about eight p.m. I got up off the couch and made my way into the kitchen. I poured a glass of water and drank half of it before sitting the glass down. My stomach began growling. I opened up the refrigerator and glanced inside. Nothing looked appetizing to me. I shut the door and walked toward the bathroom. I decided that taking a hot shower would make me feel better. I stayed in so long that the water became cold. I shut the water off and wrapped up in a towel. I pulled on some sweat pants and a tank top and headed back in the living room. Nick was awake and watching television. I sat down beside him and he wrapped his arm around me.  
  
"Did you sleep well?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah, did you?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess I was more tired than I thought."   
  
Nick smiled. "Me too." He stood up and offered me his hand. "Come on."  
  
"Where are we going?" I asked taking his hand and pulled me up.  
  
"The kitchen. I'm starved and I'm sure you are."  
  
"Actually, I'm not really that hungry. I'm still pretty tired."  
  
"Sara." Nick glared at me as if he didn't believe a word I just said.  
  
"Please Nick, I'm not hungry and I just want to go bed. I promise I'll eat four meals tomorrow if you'll let me skip this one." I hate begging but all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep.   
  
Nick didn't look like he wanted to let me go. We were still standing beside my couch and neither one of us moved. "You never ate four meals before this problem."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Okay, how about this. You go and lay down and I'll make you something small. Tomorrow, you and I will have three good meals."  
  
"How small?"  
  
"I'll make you a sandwich."  
  
"That's not small." I replied knowing exactly how Nick can pile on a sandwich.   
  
He grinned. "I'll make you an egg salad sandwich and you can eat half of it."  
  
"Only half?"  
  
"Unless you want more, but you have to eat at least half of it."  
  
"Fine." I replied. I released his hand and leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Take your time." I stepped away and headed toward the bedroom. I crawled under the covers and closed my eyes. The next thing I knew Nick's hand was on my shoulder.  
  
"Honey, wake up." He said squeezing my shoulder and gently shaking me.   
  
"Five more minutes." I mumbled.   
  
I felt him kiss my cheek. "Come on, wake up."   
  
I opened my eyes and stared at him. "That better be the best egg salad sandwich known to mankind."   
  
He laughed and wrapped his arm under my back and pulled me up. He sat down beside me and handed me the plate. "It might not be the best known to man, but it's still good."  
  
I took the sandwich and took a bite. He was right; it was good. The only problem was I wasn't hungry enough to eat it. I didn't have the energy to argue with him so I ate half of it and handed the plate back to him. "Thanks."  
  
"You're done?"   
  
"You said I only had to eat half and I'm full."   
  
He nodded. "Okay. You did good Sar." He kissed my forehead and got off the bed. "I'm going to go finish my supper and I'll be back."  
  
"Thanks Nick." I leaned back down and pulled the covers over me and instantly drifted back to sleep.   
  
I woke up sometime the next morning and turned to my side. Nick was sleeping soundly beside me. I found myself watching him for a few moments. His face was so relaxed and peaceful. I decided to get up and make him something wonderful for breakfast. I grabbed some clothes and changed in the bathroom. As soon as I was done, I wandered into the kitchen and began pulling out pans. The phone began ringing. I quickly grabbed it hoping that it didn't wake Nick up. "Hello?"  
  
"Hey girl."  
  
I smiled. "Hey Warrick. How's it going?"  
  
"Good, how are you?"  
  
"Fine, thanks. How's work?"  
  
"Boring without you and Nick there. I worked with Greg last night. He's getting better."  
  
"Should I be worried about my job?" I asked.  
  
I heard Warrick laugh. "Nah. Greg's good but he's not you."  
  
"Thanks War. I miss you too." I smiled. It was nice to know that someone cared.   
  
"I wanted to let you know that I talked to Lindsey. She was really upset that you were going to die."  
  
"I know. Warrick, I should have never let her stay in the room. I don't know what I was thinking."  
  
"She's smart. She would have eventually figured out something was going on."  
  
"So, what else is going on?"  
  
"Not a whole lot. I was hoping that I could come over and visit for a while. If you feel up to it."  
  
"Sure. That would be great and I'm sure that Nick would love to see you."  
  
"Great. When do you want me to come over?"  
  
"Anytime. I'm making breakfast for Nick. He's still asleep and I wanted to do something nice for him. You're welcome to come over and eat with us. I'm making something with meat so Nick will be happy."  
  
"Sounds good. I'll see you soon."  
  
"Bye." I heard the click and hung the phone up. I made my way to the fridge and began pulling out different things. I noticed that I didn't have anything with meat. 'Crap.' I thought. I decided to run to the store really quick. I called Warrick and let him know that I was going to the grocery store and if he got there before I made it back to use the spare key. I wrote Nick a note telling where I was and that Warrick was coming over. I grabbed my car keys and headed out the door.   
  
I walked through the grocery aisles looking for something to fix Nick. I had no idea what he liked. Warrick liked steak biscuits so he was easy, but what would Nick want? I decided that he would like the steak biscuits and in addition I bought some ham, sausage, and bacon. I was heading down the dairy aisle when I heard my name being called out. I turned around and smiled. Lindsey ran up to me.  
  
"Hey Sara." She wrapped me in a huge hug.  
  
"Hey sweetie, what are you doing out of school?" I asked.  
  
"We're out of school today. It's teacher's planning day." She explained.  
  
"Ah, that's cool. Too bad we don't have a boss's planning day at work."  
  
Lindsey laughed. "That's funny. Maybe I should ask Uncle Grissom about that."  
  
"That would be great." I replied. I glanced around trying to figure out whom she was here with. I wasn't seeing anyone, so I asked her.  
  
"Oh, I'm here with my Aunt Samantha. I spent the night with her last night." Lindsey began eyeing my basket. "Hey, I thought you didn't eat meat anymore."  
  
"I don't. It's for Nick and Warrick." I informed her.  
  
"Cool, are they coming over to see you?"  
  
"Yep. We're having breakfast together." I smiled and have an idea. "Linds, do you want to have breakfast with us?"  
  
Her eyes lit up. "Really? Can I?"  
  
"Sure, if it's okay with your aunt."  
  
"I'll run and ask her." And run she did. Soon, she was out of my sight. I finished picking out a few more things that I needed and Lindsey came running back. "Aunt Sam said I could. She was going to take me back home, but now she doesn't have to." Lindsey stood beside me and we walked to the checkout line. A woman with blonde hair walked toward us. From her appearance, I knew she was related to Catherine.   
  
"Hey, I'm Samantha, Catherine's sister. You must be Sara."  
  
I smiled. "Yeah, it's nice to meet you."  
  
"Are you sure you don't mind taking the spunk fire here?" She asked pointing to Lindsey, who was now browsing over the candy.  
  
"Don't mind at all. I just have to call Catherine and let her know."   
  
"I'll call her. I needed to speak to her anyway. It was nice meeting Sara." She turned her attention to Lindsey. "Bye spunky."   
  
Lindsey laughed. "Bye Sam." We watched as she walked off. Lindsey turned to me. "Hey Sara, have you tried these new candy bars?"  
  
"Which ones?" I asked.  
  
"The toll house ones and the s'mores ones."  
  
"Nope, I haven't." I knew that was Lindsey's way of asking if she could have one. "Put in the basket and we'll try them."  
  
"Really? Sweet." Lindsey grabbed a handful of each kind and placed them inside the basket. "Thanks Sara."  
  
"No problem. You might want to grab a soda too. I think Nick drank the last one."  
  
Lindsey grabbed a twenty-ounce soda and smiled. We went through the checkout and made our way to the car. Soon we were heading back to my apartment. I'm sure the guys were beginning to wonder what was taking me so long.  
  
TBC 


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks again for the reviews.  
  
We arrived back at my place to find Nick and Warrick sitting on the couch playing a video game. Lindsey ran right onto the couch and sat down beside Warrick.  
  
"Awesome. I didn't know you had a PS 2 Sara."  
  
"I don't."   
  
Nick and Warrick paused the game. "I figured you might be a while, so I brought a game over." Warrick explained.  
  
"Yeah, and it's awesome." Nick replied and then looked at me. "Will you buy me one for Christmas?"  
  
I smiled. "Are you sure you can wait that long?"  
  
"Good point. How about Easter?"  
  
"Keep dreaming Nicky. I'm going to start breakfast. I'm sure the three of you will be fine."  
  
"You need some help?" Nick asked.  
  
"No, I'm good. Thanks." I walked into the kitchen and began fixing breakfast. I listened to the laughter in the other room while I worked. They sounded so happy. I began wondering if that's how they were like before I moved here. I'm assuming they were because they didn't like me coming and messing up their system. In fact, I've done nothing but make things worse. I could feel tears begin to sting my eyes and I let them fall down. I finished making breakfast and wiped my eyes. I didn't want to give them another reason to worry about me. I walked back in the living room and watched as Nick and Lindsey played against each other.  
  
"Breakfast is ready." I told them.  
  
Nick and Warrick both smiled and Nick turned the game off.   
  
"Smells good Sar." Nick said as he stood up and walked toward me. He leaned down and kissed my cheek.   
  
"Thanks. Hope you like it."  
  
"I'm sure we will." Warrick replied. They sat down at the table and I began fixing drinking for everyone. Lindsey wanted to save her soda for later, so she drank milk.   
  
"Wow, now here's something I never thought I would see in your home Sar." Nick said while he piled his plate with food.   
  
"I'll have you know it was painful for me to make it."  
  
"Well, I'm glad you did." He gave me a smile and I sat down beside him. I waited until everyone got what they wanted before I put something on my plate. I really wasn't sure if I was going to be able to eat anything, but I knew that if I didn't attempt to, Nick would argue. I especially didn't want to get into an argument in front of Warrick and Lindsey.   
  
I watched as the others ate. Lindsey was scarfing down the food so fast, I wasn't sure if she actually tasted anything. I took a small bite of my eggs and took a sip of coffee.   
  
"This is great Sara." Warrick said.  
  
"Yeah, wish Mommy could cook this good." Lindsey commented.  
  
"I'm sure your mom cooks really well."  
  
"Sometimes. I like her spaghetti."   
  
"Your mom cooks really well Linds." Warrick told her.   
  
Nick finished his plate and began working on seconds. He glanced over at me. "Thanks for breakfast Sara. It's great."  
  
"You're welcome. You deserved it for putting up with me."  
  
"I'm here because I want to be here." He grabbed my hand and squeezed it.   
  
"Hey, we're trying to eat here." Warrick said as he popped another biscuit in his mouth.  
  
"Sorry." I replied and went back to the eggs on my plate. I took another bite. The phone began ringing. "I'll get it." I got up and walked over to the phone and answered it. "Hello."  
  
"Hey Sara." Catherine's voice came on the other end.  
  
"Hey Catherine."  
  
"How are you?"  
  
"Good. You?"  
  
"I'm fine. I hear you stuck with Linds."  
  
"I wouldn't say stuck. I invited her over. Besides, she's keeping Warrick and Nick occupied." I glanced over at them and smiled. "They're eating breakfast."  
  
"Good. Listen, if you need me to come and get Lindsey, I will."  
  
"She's fine. I can bring her home when she's ready. Unless you want her home now."  
  
"No, no hurry. I can get some sleep and then spend time with her this afternoon since she's out of school."  
  
"Sounds good. Give me a call when you're ready for her and I'll take her home."  
  
"Thanks Sara. Can I speak to her for a moment?"  
  
"Sure." I pulled the phone away from my ear. "Linds, you're mom wants to talk to you." Lindsey got up and grabbed the phone. I walked back to my seat and stared at both men. "Do you guys want anything else?"  
  
"No thanks girl. I'm stuffed." Warrick said.  
  
"Me too honey. It was great." Nick leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Warrick and I will clean up if you want us to."  
  
"You guys don't have to."  
  
"We don't mind. Besides, you've hardly touched your food and you need to eat." They both got up and began clearing dishes.  
  
"Okay." I smiled and took another bite of egg. Suddenly, I wasn't hungry anymore. I glanced up, Lindsey was still on the phone and Nick and Warrick were messing with the dishes. I grabbed a napkin off the table and put the rest of my eggs in it. Lindsey got off the phone and walked back over to the table.  
  
"Hey Sara, can I have my candy now?"  
  
"Sure, if you have room for it. Just don't eat it all. Your mom will kill me if I send you back on a sugar high."  
  
"Don't worry, I'm going to share it with you, Nick, and Warrick."  
  
"That's sweet of you Lindsey." Warrick told her. "I'll tell you what, after I finish helping Nick in here, we can go back and play some more games."  
  
"Cool."  
  
I walked over to the counter and grabbed the bag full of Lindsey's candy bars. I quickly tossed the napkin in the trash along with the rest of the empty bags. "Here you go." I held out the bag of candy toward her.  
  
Lindsey ran over and grabbed it and my hand. "Come on, I want to show you how far I can get on the game until Nick and Warrick come back."  
  
"Okay." I gladly walked in the living room with her. I wasn't hungry anymore and the best part was that Nick and Warrick didn't know how much I really ate. I knew that I couldn't keep hiding food. If Nick found out, he would be furious. I told myself that it wouldn't happen again. I would have a great lunch with Nick later on. I had to.  
  
Nick and I both decided to ride together to take Lindsey home. She held her bag of candy tightly in her lap. She kept her word and gave all three of us a candy bar. She ate half of one and decided to save the rest of them for later. Nick pulled up in Catherine's driveway and we all got out. Lindsey ran to the door and went inside. Nick and I were right behind her. Catherine greeted us at the door.  
  
"Hey guys."  
  
"Hey Cath." We both replied.   
  
"Come on in." She stepped aside letting us inside.   
  
"Mommy, I got you a candy bar." Lindsey said reaching in her bag and pulling out the treat.   
  
"Thanks sweetie. I'll eat it later." Catherine turned to me and smiled. "Thanks so much for giving my daughter chocolate."   
  
"She only ate a half a bar and she shared with the rest of us." I informed her.  
  
"We know how much you love a hyper Lindsey." Nick commented.  
  
"Thanks a lot." Catherine motioned toward the couch. "Have a seat." We walked over and sat down. "Do you guys want something to drink?"  
  
"I want a soda mommy." Lindsey sat down beside me and smiled.  
  
"Okay. Nick, Sara?"   
  
"I'm fine." I told her.  
  
"I'm good. Thanks Catherine." Nick said.  
  
Catherine disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a cup filled of kool-aid. Lindsey gave her a look but decided not to say anything.   
  
"So, how are things going Sara?" Catherine asked me.  
  
"They're fine. I'm not a hundred percent better but I'm trying."  
  
Nick put his arm around my shoulders. "I'm proud of her."  
  
Guilt flooded me as he said that. He still didn't know about this morning and there's no way I was going to tell him now. "It's not easy." I ended up saying.  
  
"Well, I'm here if you need me." Catherine replied warmly.   
  
"Thanks Catherine." I felt Nick squeeze my shoulder and I took that as a cue that he was ready to leave. "I guess we should go so you and Lindsey can spend time together."  
  
"You don't have to run off."  
  
Nick removed his arm and stood up and then reached for my hand helping me up. "We've got some errands to run." He told her.  
  
"Okay, well thanks again for having Lindsey over."  
  
"No problem. She's welcome anytime." I told her. I turned to Lindsey and smiled. "Anytime you want to come over and spend the night, just call me."  
  
"Cool." Lindsey stated and ran over to give me a hug. "Bye Sara." She released me and hugged Nick. "Bye Uncle Nick."  
  
"Bye Linds." We told Catherine bye and left. I noticed that we weren't heading toward my house. "Nick, where are we going?"  
  
"I thought we could stop and get something for lunch and have a picnic."  
  
I smiled. "That sounds great." We dropped by the deli and picked up some sandwiches, fruit, chips, and drinks. Soon we were walking hand in hand in the park looking for a table to sit at. The park was full of kids playing on the equipment. It was a sign that school was definitely not running today. We finally found a table surrounded by some trees.   
  
"I didn't think it would be this crowded." Nick commented while unpacking our food.  
  
"It's a nice day and there's no school. I don't blame the kids for wanting to come out and play."  
  
Nick nodded. "After lunch, maybe we can go play with them."  
  
I laughed. "I haven't been swinging in a long time."  
  
"Then it's settled." Nick sat down beside me and we began eating our food. I wasn't hungry, but I had to make an effort to eat for Nick. I hated the way I felt at Catherine's and I never wanted to disappoint him. I was able to actually finish my sandwich and eat a few pieces of fruit. As soon as Nick was done, he stood up and reached for my hand. "Come on, let's go swing."  
  
I smiled. "Okay." I took his hand and we walked down to the swings. There were four swings and only one wasn't being used. Three little girls occupied the ones in the middle. They smiled at us when we got closer.  
  
"Hey girls." Nick greeted. "Do you mind if we swing with you?"  
  
The little girl with blonde hair smiled. "Are you a cowboy?" She asked.  
  
Nick laughed. "No, but I'm from Texas. Why?"  
  
"Cause you sound like my daddy and he's a cowboy." She replied and continued to swing.  
  
I smiled. "Is your daddy from Texas?" I asked her.  
  
"Not any more. He grew up there." She grinned. "I'm Katie and I'm four."   
  
"Hey Katie, I'm Sara and this is Nick."  
  
The other girls decided to join in on the conversation. The oldest of the three girls jumped off the swing. "I'm Ally. This is Marcy." She pointed to the third girl with brown hair.   
  
"It's nice to meet you."  
  
"Are you all sisters?" Nick asked.  
  
"Yep. I'm seven and Marcy is five." Ally started doing cartwheels in the grass. I took a seat on the swing and Nick started pushing me. We talked to the girls for the next thirty minutes. Katie managed to sit on Nick's lap and swing with her. Marcy was beside me. She got over her shyness and was talking along with her sisters. Pretty soon we saw a couple heading toward us. Ally ran over to the man. "Daddy!" She jumped in his arms and held tightly. The man and woman approached us and the man kept giving Nick an odd glare.  
  
"Nick Stokes?" He finally said.  
  
Nick nodded. "Yeah." Realization must have hit because Nick was grinning. "Todd Kennedy. Oh my gosh. What are you doing in Vegas?"  
  
"I just moved here about five years ago. Do you live here too?"  
  
"Yeah, I live and work here."  
  
"I see you've met my girls." He turned to his wife. "This is my wife Kayla."   
  
Nick smiled. "It's nice to meet you. You have beautiful daughters." He pointed toward me. "This is my girlfriend Sara." He faced me. "Todd and I went to high school together."  
  
"Oh, it's nice to meet you. Nick's right, you have wonderful children." I replied.  
  
"Thanks. They can be a handful though and as you can see, they're not shy at all." Todd said with a smile on his face.  
  
Nick and I laughed. "Our friend's daughter is like that too." Nick commented.  
  
"So Nick, do you have any kids?" Todd asked.  
  
"No, not yet."  
  
"Well, I'm sure you will." Todd glanced at his watch. "Well, we need to get going. I promised the girls I would take them to the museum today. It was nice seeing you Nick and meeting you Sara."  
  
"Nice to meet you too." We said our good-byes and watched as the girls ran ahead of the parents toward their van. Nick turned toward me and smiled.  
  
"Think you could handle three of those?"  
  
"I'm not sure about three." I replied honestly. I wasn't sure I could even have one; especially with this eating disorder. I felt Nick grab my hand.   
  
"Are you ready to go home?"  
  
"Yeah." I released his hand and began swinging again. Once I got high enough I jumped off. Nick just laughed. I stared at him. "What? Like you didn't want to do that."   
  
"I'm not as talented as you." He said and wrapped his arm around me as we made our way back to gather our stuff.  
  
I was feeling great when I arrived home. My stomach wasn't cramping and I felt refreshed. As soon as I get married, I'm having a swing built. Nick was also in a good mood. I think it was because he got to see an old friend from school. I was sitting on the couch when the phone rang. I grabbed it. "Hello."  
  
"Hey Sara, it's Grissom."  
  
"Hey Grissom."  
  
"Is Nick there?"  
  
"Yeah, hold on." I handed the phone to Nick. "It's Grissom." He thanked me and grabbed the phone.  
  
I watched as listened while Nick talked to him. From what I could tell, Grissom needed Nick to come in to work. "Grissom, I'm taking vacation time to help Sara." He paused. "Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can." Nick hung the phone up and faced me. "I'm sorry, but Grissom's got a triple and needs everyone there."  
  
"What about me? I can help."  
  
"Honey, you know Grissom put you on leave."  
  
"I should be there Nick. I'm fine."  
  
He sighed. "You'll have to talk to Grissom."  
  
I reached for the phone and dialed Grissom's cell. "Grissom." He answered.  
  
"It's me. I want to help."  
  
"Sara, you're on leave. I need you better before you can come back."  
  
"I am better. I don't see how my disorder is going to affect my work. Please Grissom, you need me there." I waited a few moments listening to him breathing deeply. I wondered what his pulse was up to.   
  
"Alright, but the moment I sense something is wrong, I'm pulling you off."  
  
"Thanks Grissom." I hung up the phone and smiled at Nick. "I'm in."  
  
Nick nodded. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"  
  
I closed the distance between us. "I'll be fine. Besides, you'll be there if I need you." I leaned over and kissed him. After a few moments we broke apart. "I'm going to get ready. Do you want to ride together?"  
  
"Sure." Thirty minutes later we were both out the door heading for the crime scene.  
  



	11. Chapter 11

Thank you for the reviews. I appreciate them.  
  
We pulled up to the scene and noticed everyone else was already there. I opened my door and grabbed a field kit in the back. As I approached the officers, I flashed my badge and ducked under the crime scene tape surrounding the house. I stepped in the house and stood next to Warrick and Greg. My mind began to process the scene before me. Three victims, two males and one female, were scattered on the living room floor. Each one of them appeared butchered. I felt like throwing up. I see blood and gore on a regular basis, but this was bad. Suddenly I found myself praying to work the perimeter. Grissom walked up to us and began assigning us.   
  
"Nick, Warrick, I need you to take prints and photos. Document everything." He turned to me. "Sara, you and Greg take the perimeter." I breathed a sigh of relief and turned my focus on Greg.  
  
"You ready?"  
  
He nodded. "Lead the way." We walked outside. "Which side do you want?"  
  
"I'll start with the left side and meet you in the back." I replied and started walking.   
  
"Hey Sara."   
  
I turned back around. "Yeah?"  
  
"It's good to have you back." He replied with a grin.  
  
"Thanks Greg." I returned the smile and began working on my side. So far I haven't found anything that would help us. I made my way to a trashcan behind the house. There were flies surrounding the lid. A horrible smell filled my senses, as I got closer. Pulling on a pair of gloves, I reached for the lid and carefully opened it.   
  
"Shit!" I yelled. Another body was stuffed inside. I pulled out my camera and began taking photos. The woman was butchered just like the others inside.   
  
"Sara, are you okay?" Greg asked running toward me.   
  
"Get Grissom, tell him we have another body." I told him. He just nodded and ran inside. A few moments later he came back out with Grissom in tow.  
  
Grissom came up beside me and stared in the trashcan. "I'll get David out here." He replied and disappeared back inside.  
  
I finished my photos and began searching around the backyard. There wasn't much else I could do until David took the body. Greg placed his hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine. I wasn't expecting to see that." I said. Flashes of the woman's body kept entering my mind and the need to throw up got worse.   
  
"Wonder why she was out here and the others were still inside?"  
  
"Maybe she tried to run and the suspect caught her." I tried to picture the attack in my mind. I glanced down at the ground and noticed the puddle of blood surrounding the trashcan but nowhere else. 'She must have been hiding in the trashcan and the suspect found her.' I heard David walk up and watched as he and another coroner carefully lift the body out. I saw the victim's left arm fall to ground along with a few organs. I quickly turned around and briskly walked away from the scene and began emptying my stomach. I felt Greg's hand gently rubbing my back.  
  
He didn't say anything. He waited with me until I was done and wrapped me in a hug. I pulled away and tried to smile. "Thanks Greg."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
"By the way, you didn't see anything." I told him making sure he wouldn't tell the others.  
  
"It'll be our secret." We walked back to the scene and I headed toward Nick's Denali to grab a bottle of water. My mouth tasted incredibly nasty and I needed to wash it out. I opened the door of the Denali and pulled out a bottle of water from the cooler in the back. I quickly opened it and began ridding my mouth of its horrible taste. As soon as I was done, I shut the door and headed inside. The trashcan was being loading up to go back to the lab. Greg was still in the back going over the rest of the perimeter. I approached Nick and Warrick.   
  
"Find anything?" I asked.  
  
"Just a few prints and some strands of hair." Nick answered.  
  
"But no murder weapon." Warrick added.   
  
I only nodded. This case was going to difficult and time consuming, even with all of us working it.  
  
Back at the lab, we split up and began analyzing the evidence we had. We've identified the four victims and Dr. Robbins wasn't sure what kind of weapon was used to murder our victims. I spent two hours trying to find something that links our victims together. It could be something as simple as they were all just close friends. They didn't work at the same places; so coming up with the suspect's motive was going to be hard. After searching I came up empty. I decided to process the trashcan. I dusted for prints and checked for hair and fibers. I pulled a few prints and began looking inside the trashcan. I finally found something on the bottom. Taking a pair of tweezers I reached in and pulled it out. It looked like a piece of metal that had been broken off something larger. 'It could be from our murder weapon.' I thought to myself. I bagged it and continued working. I didn't stop until I heard someone call my name. I glanced up to find Nick standing there.  
  
"Hey." I replied.  
  
"Having any luck?" He asked me and walked closer to me.  
  
"I'm not sure." I told him about the metal fragment and the prints.   
  
"Hopefully, those will help. I was coming in to see what you wanted to eat. I've been volunteered to run to the deli."  
  
I smiled. I wasn't hungry at all and the images of the crime scene weren't helping at all. Of course, I couldn't tell Nick that. He would get all overprotective and stuff. "Um, a grilled cheese sandwich sounds good."  
  
"Okay. Do you want anything else?"  
  
"No, I think that's about all I can handle."   
  
He turned his head around looking to see if anyone was nearby. Seeing no one, he faced me and leaned down to kiss me. I wanted to pull him closer but my gloves were nasty and I didn't want to get blood on him. He pulled back and smiled. "I've been wanting to do that all night."  
  
"Me too."  
  
He bent down and kissed me again. We broke apart. "I should get going. Warrick said he was starving and if I didn't hurry, he was going to hurt me."  
  
I laughed. "You better not keep him waiting then."  
  
"I'll be back." I watched as he left the room and then continued working. As soon as I got everything off the trashcan I could, I took the evidence to be processed. I decided to try and see if I could dig up more information on the victims while I waited for the results. I walked in the computer lab and began researching the victims in more detail. The first male victim was Andrew Walker. He was a sophomore in college. He worked part time at a video rental store. He's lived in Vegas his entire life. I printed out his home address and names of his parents. The second male victim was Jamie Reynolds. He was a freshman in college and worked at Radio Shack on weekends. He was originally from Oklahoma and moved to Vegas to go to college. The female in the house was Alicia Martin. She was also a freshman and worked as a waitress. She was born and raised in Vegas. The woman in the dumpster was Alana Duncan. She was a sophomore who didn't have to work. Her parents were rich. I took a deep breath and gathered what little information I had. I knew I was going to have to go and talk to the parents. Brass called them as soon as we identified them. I'm probably the last person they want to see.   
  
"There you are." Nick's voice broke me from my thoughts. He walked over and handed me the sandwich. He glanced at the computer. "Find anything?"  
  
"Just basic information. I'm going to have to talk to their parents."  
  
"I think Grissom and Catherine mentioned something about doing that. They're eating their food in the break room."   
  
My pager went off. I glanced down and noticed it was from Greg. "That's Greg."  
  
"Will you give him his sandwich?"   
  
I nodded and Nick handed it to me.   
  
"Thanks Sar. I still have Warrick's and I'm sure he's probably hunting me down."  
  
I laughed at the mental image that played in my mind. "No problem. I'll see you around." We split up and I made my way toward the DNA lab. As soon as I opened the door, I heard Greg jamming out to some heavy metal music.  
  
I've learned something about Greg. When a case really bothers him, he plays angry music to work out his pain. The song that was playing was very explicit. I could hear Greg singing the words along with the music. "I wanna grow up, I wanna be a big rocking roll star." I taped his shoulder. He quickly turned around and breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it was only me and not Grissom.  
  
"Hey Sar."  
  
"Hey Greggo, what song is that?"  
  
"Lunchbox." He simply replied. "I felt the need to let out some anger."  
  
I nodded as the next lyrics played out about someone not fucking with me. "I brought your sandwich."  
  
"You're a goddess." He said and took it from me. "And I'm your humble servant." He handed me the results from the hairs, prints, and metal fragment. I glanced at the results. The hair and prints came from the victims. The metal fragment was steel. "I was thinking that the metal fragment came from a hook or something."  
  
"What makes you think that?" I asked.  
  
Greg took a bite of his sandwich. Then replied. "Look at it. It's curved. If it came from a knife it would be straight."  
  
I took a closer look. Greg was right; it was curved. "Why didn't I notice that?" I asked more to myself than him.  
  
"Stress?" He offered and finished his sandwich. "Man, I'm still hungry."   
  
"Here." I handed him my grilled cheese. "You can have this."  
  
He shook his head no. "Nope, I'm not taking yours. You need to eat."  
  
"Really Greg, I'm not hungry."  
  
"Sara, we've been working six hours straight. I'm willing to bet you didn't eat anything before we were called into work."  
  
"Okay, how about I split it with you? I still have a hard time eating a whole one. I would just throw the other half away."  
  
Greg thought about it. "Alright. I'll eat half of it."  
  
I smiled and unwrapped the sandwich and gave him half.   
  
"Thanks Sara."  
  
"You're welcome. Thanks for the info." I grabbed the results and made my way to find Grissom. I walked into the ladies restroom and dumped my sandwich in the bottom of the trashcan. I wasn't hungry at all and the thoughts of eating made me sick to my stomach. I walked out of the restroom and went in search of Grissom.  
  
TBC 


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks again!  
  
I found Grissom in the break room along with Catherine. Both were finishing up their meals. "Hey, I've got the results back from Greg." I told them what I had learned.  
  
"Good, we were about to go and talk to the parents." Grissom informed me.  
  
"Need some help?" I asked.  
  
"No, we're only going to see two of them. Brass called Reynold's family and informed them. Duncan's parents are in England for three months."   
  
'Must be nice.' I thought. "Okay, I guess I'll see if I can figure out what kind of object the metal was broken off of." I walked out of the room and headed back toward the computer lab. I sat down in front of the screen and began doing a search. After an hour, I was getting nowhere. I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes. I felt completely drained.   
  
"Sara." I heard someone call my name and place their hand on my shoulder. I leaned up and realized that I had fallen asleep.   
  
"Are you okay?" Warrick's concerned voice asked.  
  
"Yeah, I must have dozed off." I rubbed my eyes and stared at him. "What's going on?"  
  
"Grissom sent me to see if you found anything about that metal fragment."  
  
"Nothing yet." I turned my attention toward the computer and restarted my search.   
  
Warrick stood there for a moment and I heard him take a deep breath. I wanted to ask if he needed anything else but then he spoke up. "Sara, are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine." Was my automatic response.  
  
"Are you doing anything after shift?"  
  
"Probably just going home to sleep. Why?"  
  
"I was wondering if you wanted to have breakfast with me."  
  
I spun my chair around and faced him. "I'm not sure if I could eat your type of breakfast."   
  
"I didn't say you had to order what I do."  
  
"That's good because I don't think I could eat what you order." I replied with a smile.  
  
"So, does that mean you'll go with me?"  
  
"Okay, but if Nick gets jealous, you're dealing with him."  
  
Warrick grinned and bent down and kissed my cheek. "Deal." I watched him leave and then I turned my attention to the computer and continued my research.   
  
After another hour of searching, I discovered where the metal came from. It came from a metal hook. I presented my finding to Grissom and he seemed rather pleased. In fact, he was extremely happy with this information. It turned out that while he and Catherine were questioning the parents of Andrew Walker, Andrew's younger brother finally caved and confessed to the murders. He said and Grissom quoted, "I pulled a Candyman." The reference wasn't lost on me. I've seen that movie. I won't ever watch it again.   
  
I glanced at Grissom. "Where's his brother now?"  
  
"Brass is getting his official statement. This case is over." Grissom smiled at me. "You did a good job Sara."  
  
"Thanks." I was heading out of the room when I turned around and walked back in. "Grissom?"  
  
He glanced up. "Yes?"  
  
"Um, do you think I could come back to work?"  
  
He took a deep breath. "Are you ready to talk to someone?"  
  
"I'm fine. I'm eating and as for talking to someone, I've been talking to Nick. He's doing a great job taking care of me."  
  
"Sara, I'm not sure you're ready to come back."   
  
"You're wrong. I am ready." With that, I left the room and went in search of Warrick. On my way, I ran into Nick.  
  
"There you are." He wrapped me in a hug. "I've been looking for you."  
  
I pulled back. "What's going on?"  
  
"I heard that you were cheating on me to have breakfast with Warrick."  
  
I laughed. "Warrick asked me earlier. Are you jealous?"  
  
He bent down and briefly kissed me. We were both aware that we were still at work. "No, he's just trying to help you get better. Besides, I know you love me."  
  
"Yeah, I do." I leaned over and kissed him. We broke apart and began walking down the hall. "So, I'll see you later?"  
  
"I've a few errands to run and I'll see you at home."   
  
"Okay." I headed toward the break room in search of Warrick. I found him sitting at the table. "Hey War." I greeted as I walked in the room.  
  
"Hey girl. You ready?"  
  
"I think so." We left the room and headed toward the parking lot.   
  
Warrick and I sat in a booth at a diner down the strip. We've been there plenty of times with the rest of our team. I glanced at the menu trying to decide on what I could eat. My stomach was growling by that time and I knew I should try to eat something. Warrick, on the other hand, already knew exactly what he was getting to get. He and Nick always order the special, which comes with eggs, ham, sausage, pancakes, and gravy. I finally decided on eggs and toast. Warrick and I talked while we waited for our food. Not once did Warrick mention my disorder and for that I was grateful. I knew it was on his mind though.   
  
"So, how are things with you and Nick?" He asked me.  
  
"They're good." The waitress came and set our food down on the table and left. We ate and continued to talk. I was so absorbed in eating and talking to Warrick that I didn't realize that he had stopped and was just staring at me. I glanced at him. "What?"  
  
He smiled. "Do you realize that you ate everything on your plate?"  
  
I looked down at my plate and sure enough, there was nothing there. "I guess I was hungrier than what I thought." I told him.  
  
"After sharing half your sandwich with Greg, I'm not surprised."   
  
"He told you?" I asked staring back at him.  
  
"Yeah, he wanted me to keep an eye on you since he couldn't. He would have told Nick but he knew Nick would just hover and get over-protective."  
  
"And you don't?"   
  
"Oh, I do. I just don't make it as obvious." He stabbed a pancake with his fork and put it on my plate. "You still look hungry." He stated after seeing the look on my face.  
  
"Thanks." We finished our meal and I reached in my purse for some money but he stopped me.  
  
"I've got this."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Positive."   
  
I smiled. "I'm going to go to bathroom. I'll be right back." I got up and made my way to the restroom. On my way, I began to feel really sick to my stomach. I ate way too much. I stepped inside and went in a stall. A few moments later, I lost everything I just ate. I waited a few moments, and then flushed the toilet. I washed my face and rinsed my mouth out. I tried telling myself that I threw up because I ate too much, but deep in the back of my mind I really knew why and I hated it. I left the restroom and met up with Warrick. He smiled at me and I smiled back. On the way home the only thing I could think of was what was going to happen if someone found out.  
  
TBC 


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for the reviews. I hope you all enjoy the next chapter.   
  
Warrick and I stepped in my apartment and I noticed Nick wasn't in the living room. "Have a seat War." I replied. "I'm going to go check on Nick." I walked toward the bedroom and knocked on the door. "Nick?" I didn't get an answer. I opened the door thinking he was sleeping, but he wasn't in there. I heard voices coming from the living room and I went back to check. Warrick and Nick were sitting on the couch talking about a new video game. I smiled and sat down beside Nick.  
  
"Hey sweetie." Nick reached over and wrapped his arm around me.  
  
"Hey."   
  
Warrick smiled. "Well, I should go and give you guys some privacy."  
  
"You don't have to rush off." Nick told him.  
  
"It's okay. I've got a few things to do." Warrick stood up. "Are you working tonight Nick?"  
  
"I'm not sure. I guess I am if Grissom needs me."  
  
Warrick nodded. "All right." He was about to walk out but stopped. "Hey Nick, you'll be happy to know that Sara ate all her breakfast including some of mine."  
  
I bit my bottom lip. Why did Warrick have to say that? Nick turned to me with a huge smile on his face. "That's great Sar."  
  
I forced a smile. "It's no big deal." I replied trying to get him to drop the subject. I didn't want the guilt of knowing I was lying to him. Warrick smiled at me and left. Nick wrapped me in a hug.  
  
"Have I told you how much I love you?"   
  
"I love you too." He leaned down and kissed me. When we pulled apart, Nick and I sat down on the couch and watched some television until we both drifted off to sleep. I woke up a few hours later to the sound of the phone ringing. I got up and answered it. "Hello?"  
  
"Sara, it's Catherine."  
  
"Hey Cath. Is something wrong?"  
  
"No, but I have an incredibly huge favor to ask you."  
  
"Sure, what is it?"  
  
I heard Catherine take a deep breath. "My sister just called me and told me she was sick. She's not going to be able to watch Lindsey tonight. Do you think you could?"  
  
I smiled. "Sure, I don't mind."  
  
"Thanks so much. I had no clue what I was going to do."  
  
I laughed. "It's okay. Bring her on over whenever you're ready." I hung up the phone and it rang again. "Hello?"  
  
"Sara, it's Grissom. Is Nick over there?"  
  
"Yeah, hold on." I walked over to Nick and lightly pushed him. "Nick, honey, phone."  
  
Nick opened his sleepy eyes and stared at me for a moment and then reached for the phone. "Hello." He said sleepily.   
  
I stood around and listened to the one sided conversation. From Nick's reactions, he was being asked to come into work tonight. "Okay, I'll be there." Nick hung up the phone and handed it back to me. "Guess I'm going to work."  
  
"It's okay, Lindsey is spending the night tonight."  
  
"That's good. The two of you can do all that girly stuff."  
  
The thoughts of pillow fights and gossip filled my head. I just laughed. "I'm sure we'll think of something to keep ourselves occupied."   
  
"In that case, you better some more rest. I know for a fact that Lindsey likes to take advantage of staying up late." Nick replied. He reached for my hand. "Come on, the bed's more comfortable than your couch."  
  
"Okay." We made our way into my bedroom and crawled under the covers. Nick wrapped his arm around my waist and we both drifted off to sleep.   
  
I woke up later that evening and reached over. The other side of the bed was empty. I heard the shower running and smiled. I got up and changed into some comfy clothes. I figured that Lindsey and I would just hang out in the living room watching television. I walked into the kitchen and began making a pot of coffee. A few minutes later, Nick came walking in the kitchen with a towel wrapped around his waist. "I thought I smelled coffee." He said.  
  
I smiled. "How did you sleep?"  
  
"Great, you?" He made his way to me and kissed me.  
  
"Good." I answered when we pulled apart. "Hey Nick, you know as much as I love seeing you dripping wet with nothing but a towel on, I think you better change before Linds gets here."  
  
"All right." He kissed me again and headed back toward the bedroom. I watched him the entire way. He has no clue how incredibly sexy he is. I turned back to the coffee machine and poured a cup for both of us. Nick walked back in wearing a gray shirt and blue jeans. "Better?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah. Lindsey will thank you for it." I was about to make another comment but I heard a knock at the door. "Must be Linds, I'll get it." I went to the door and opened it. I was instantly wrapped in a hug.   
  
"Hey Aunt Sara."  
  
"Hey sweetie. How's it going?"  
  
Lindsey released me and smiled. "Good, mommy let me rent a movie for us to watch."  
  
I smiled. "That's good." I glanced up at Catherine. "Hey Cath."  
  
"Hey Sara, I really appreciate this."  
  
"No problem. Come on in." I stepped aside and let them enter. Nick was sitting on the couch and Lindsey ran right to him.   
  
"Uncle Nick." She hopped right into his lap.  
  
"Hey kiddo, what's up?"  
  
"Not much."  
  
"Hey Nick." Catherine replied smiling.  
  
"Hey."   
  
"You want something to drink?" I asked.  
  
"No thanks. I've got a few things to do before work." Catherine answered.  
  
"Do you have some soda?" Lindsey replied.  
  
"I think so. Want to come with me and see?" Lindsey nodded and jumped off Nick's lap. We both walked in the kitchen and I opened the fridge. "Hmmm. Let's see." I pushed some cartons aside and but didn't see any soda. "Sorry sweetie, I don't see any. I'll tell you what, why don't you and I go to the grocery store?"  
  
Lindsey grinned. "Okay. I like going with you."  
  
I smiled thinking the only reason was because I bought her the things her mother wouldn't let her have. We went back in the living room.  
  
"Come here Lindsey and give me a hug." Catherine said. Lindsey ran over to her and hugged her.  
  
"Bye mommy, have fun at work."  
  
"Be good for Sara."  
  
"I will." She pulled away and ran back to me and grabbed my hand. Catherine told us bye and left.   
  
Lindsey tugged on my hand. "Can we go now?"  
  
Nick glanced up. "Where are you ladies going?"  
  
"Sara doesn't have any soda, so we're going to get some. You want something Uncle Nick?"  
  
Nick seemed to think about it for a moment. "Sure, but make it a surprise."  
  
I grinned. "You might not want to phrase your request like that. You might end up with dog food."  
  
Lindsey busted out laughing. "Gross."  
  
Nick smiled. "Okay, since I have to be specific, how about bringing me back a candy bar."  
  
"Okay, what kind?"  
  
"Snickers are good."   
  
I should have guessed. He loves Snickers bars. "We'll bring you back one." I told him.  
  
"Thanks honey." I walked over and kissed his forehead. "We'll be back soon."  
  
He nodded and briefly kissed my lips and pulled away. "Be careful."  
  
"Don't worry Uncle Nick. We will." Lindsey gave him a hug and then walked to the front door. I followed her and we were on our way.  
  
Lindsey and I arrived back home with a couple bags of groceries. Lindsey decided that not only did she want soda but she also wanted some cookies, candy, and popcorn for the movie. Not to mention food for supper. I walked into the kitchen and sat the bags down. I noticed the note on the table. It was from Nick saying he had to go to work early and for Lindsey not to eat his candy bar. I relayed the message to Lindsey and she just laughed. I started taking the food out of the bags.  
  
"Hey Sara, can I eat a piece of candy now?"  
  
"Um, I think you better wait until you eat supper. You've got enough junk to fill your stomach, I want to make sure some of it is good."  
  
"Okay. Can I help cook?"   
  
I nodded. "Sure. You can cook the meat." Lindsey begged for hamburgers and the puppy dog look on her face didn't help any at all.   
  
"Awesome." Lindsey hopped on a chair beside me and we began fixing supper. Thirty minutes later, Lindsey was eating a hamburger and fries. She was sitting in the living room watching television. I walked in with a plate of fries. As soon as we were done eating, I popped the popcorn and put in the movie. Lindsey rented the Lizzie McGuire movie. We sat on my couch munching on popcorn and cookies. I knew Lindsey was going to have a major stomachache after this was over. She glanced over at me. "Can we open up the M&M's?"  
  
"If we do, you have to put the cookies up. You're going to get sick."  
  
"That's fine." I got up and grabbed the cookie bag and went into the kitchen. I set the cookies on the table beside Nick's candy bar and grabbed the M&M's. On my way back to the living room, I began to feel incredibly sick. I handed Lindsey the bag.   
  
"I'll be right back okay."  
  
"Do you want me to pause the movie?" She asked me.  
  
"No, that's okay. You can just tell me what I miss." I made my way to the bathroom and shut the door. I forced myself to throw up what I just ate. Once I was done, I quickly washed my mouth and wiped my face. I went back to the living room and sat down beside Lindsey. She quickly informed me on what I missed. As soon as the movie ended, Lindsey got ready for bed. She changed into her pajamas and gave me a hug.   
  
"Good night Sara."  
  
"Night sweetie. You want me to tuck you in?"  
  
"Nah, I think I'll be okay. Could I have a glass of water to keep by my bed."  
  
"Sure." I fixed her a glass of water and hugged her. "If you need anything, come and get me."  
  
"I will. Night." She disappeared down the hall and I sat down on the sofa. I grabbed the remote and channel surfed. I finally found a forensics show on television. I noticed that we didn't eat all the fries. We also had a half a bag of popcorn and M&M's left. I was really hungry and I finished them off quickly. Of course that made my stomach incredibly upset. I ran to the bathroom and emptied my stomach. When I opened the door, Lindsey was standing in the hall.  
  
"Linds? What's wrong sweetie?"  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine. Why?"  
  
Lindsey pulled me in a hug. This caused me to worry. I glanced down at her. "Are you sure nothing is wrong?"  
  
She nodded. "I heard you throw up. I got worried."  
  
"It's okay. I just ate way too much junk food. I told you it would make you sick." I said trying to make what I just did sound as innocent as possible.  
  
"Okay. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Better. Are you ready to go back to bed?"   
  
"Yep. Will you tuck me in?"   
  
I smiled. "Sure." She grabbed my hand and we walked in my bedroom. She crawled under the covers and I tucked her in. I gave her a kiss on the forehead.   
  
"Good night."  
  
"Night Sara. I love you."  
  
"I love you too." I walked out of the room turning off the lights as I left.  
  
TBC 


	14. Chapter 14

Once again thanks so much for all the reviews.   
  
"Aunt Sara."   
  
I opened my eyes and glanced over. Lindsey was staring at me with a worried expression. "What's wrong sweetie?" I asked trying to fully wake up.  
  
"I called your name a few times and you didn't wake up. I was starting to get worried."  
  
"I'm sorry. What time is it?"  
  
Lindsey glanced over at the clock on the DVD player. "It's 8:30."  
  
"Really?" I leaned up and smiled at her. "How long have you been up?"  
  
"Not long. I went to the bathroom and then came in here to wake you up."  
  
"Are you hungry?"  
  
"Yeah. Can we make some breakfast?"  
  
I stood up. "Sure. Let's go see what we've got." We walked into the kitchen and I opened the refrigerator door. Thanks to Nick, there were plenty of eggs, bacon, and sausage. Nick made sure he had some kind of meat to eat.   
  
Lindsey was standing beside me. "Can we make pancakes?"  
  
"I guess so. Is that all you want?"  
  
"Well, I really want some bacon with it, but I know you don't like meat."  
  
"That's okay. You can have bacon. Besides Nick will be here soon and I know he'll want some too."  
  
"Cool." We began making breakfast and Lindsey kept stealing gazes at me. I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable.   
  
"Okay, what's wrong?" I finally asked.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You keep glancing over at me. Do I have something on my face?"  
  
Lindsey smiled. "No, I'm sorry for staring. I just wanted to make sure you're feeling better."  
  
"Thanks Linds, but I'm fine. I just ate way too much junk food last night." I stuck my finger in flour and ran my finger across her cheek.  
  
"Hey!" Lindsey yelled and dipped her hands in the flour and planted them right on my face. So began our flour fight. By the time we were done, we had flour everywhere. We were about to start eating when Nick and Catherine walked in to the kitchen.  
  
"What happened in here?" Catherine asked taking in the chaos that was now my kitchen.  
  
Lindsey ran over to her. "Hey mommy. Sara and I had a flour fight!"  
  
"I can see that." Catherine started wiping flour off her daughter's face. "Are you ready to go?"  
  
"I was eating breakfast."  
  
"You're welcome to have some." I told Catherine. "We made plenty."  
  
Nick was already making himself a plate. He set it down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Looks good honey."  
  
"Thanks. Lindsey helped cook."  
  
Catherine smiled. "Wow Linds, maybe you should start cooking our meals at home."  
  
"Can I?" Lindsey asked.  
  
"We'll see. For now, finish your breakfast. We've got a few places to go before we go home."  
  
"Okay." Lindsey went back to the table and started eating.  
  
"Help yourself Catherine." I replied pointing to the stove.  
  
"Thanks Sara, but I'm not all that hungry. Greg was handing out doughnuts before the end of shift and I ate one."  
  
"That's fine." I walked over to the sink and started washing the dishes.   
  
"Honey, I'll wash those." Nick offered.   
  
"That's okay. Besides you worked last night."   
  
Lindsey got up and put her plate in the sink. "Thanks for breakfast Sara."  
  
"No problem. Thanks for helping me cook it." I gave her a smile.  
  
"Come on Linds. We've got some stuff to do before we go home." Lindsey gave me a quick hug and then hugged Nick. "Bye guys."  
  
"Bye Catherine, bye Lindsey." Nick and I both replied. I walked them to the door and locked it back after they left. I made my way back into the kitchen to find that Nick was washing dishes.   
  
"I said I would wash those." I told him.  
  
He turned to me and smiled. "I know, but I thought I would help."  
  
I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Have I told you how much I love you?"  
  
He grinned. "Yeah, but I never get tired of hearing you say it."  
  
I leaned over and kissed him. He deepened the kiss and pulled me closer. After a few moments, we pulled away breathless. He ran his finger along my cheek. "I love you Sara."  
  
"I love you too." We finished washing the dishes and I decided to take a shower to get the flour off me. I walked in the bathroom and turned the shower on. I stripped my clothes off and took a look at myself in the mirror. I quickly turned my face away. I didn't like the woman that was looking back at me. I got in the shower and began washing my hair.  
  
It's been two days since Lindsey spent the night and I was getting lonely at home with Nick going to work at night. I was going crazy with nothing to do. Nick left the house around seven because he and Warrick had plans to go work out. So, I was sitting in front of the television desperately trying to find something to watch. The phone rang and I quickly picked it up, praying that it was Grissom on the other line begging me to come to work. "Hello?"   
  
"Hey Sara, it's Catherine."  
  
"Hey Cath. How's it going?"  
  
"Good, listen, I was wondering if you had plans this evening?"  
  
"No, Nick just left to go work out with Warrick before shift." I informed her.  
  
"Well, I'm off tonight and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out with Lindsey and me. We're going to eat out and probably swing by the mall. Lindsey's begging for a new outfit; like she needs another one."  
  
I laughed. "Well, no offense Cath but she is your daughter."  
  
"And I wouldn't give anything for her. So, do you want to come?"  
  
"Sure, why not."  
  
"Great, we'll pick you up in a few minutes. Bye." Catherine hung up the phone and I set it back down on the table. I got up from the couch and headed toward my bedroom to change clothes.   
  
An hour later the three of us were sitting in a restaurant. I wasn't hungry but I ate anyway. Lindsey was explaining to her mother why she needed a new pair of shoes to go with her new outfit. "Come on mommy, I need a nice pair of shoes to enhance my beauty."  
  
Catherine just stared at her. "First off sweetie, you do realize you're ten right? You shouldn't be enhancing anything at the moment. Speaking of enhancing, where did you learn that from?"  
  
"Off television."  
  
I smiled at the exchange. We talked a few more minutes and I suddenly felt my stomach cramp. "Um, I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."   
  
"Okay." Catherine said and smiled. I got up and made my way to the restroom and walked inside. It was empty which was a surprise. I picked the stall on the far end of the room and went in and closed the door. I quickly threw up a few times until I was sure I couldn't anymore. I flushed the commode and stepped outside right into the face of Catherine. I couldn't speak and I had no clue how long she had been standing there. She had a very worried expression on her face.   
  
"Um, this isn't what you think." I began.  
  
"Sara, this is exactly what I think. How long have you been doing this?"  
  
I didn't want to argue with her. In fact I didn't want to talk about this with her at all. I walked around her and stood in front of the sink. I turned the water on and washed my mouth out and my face.   
  
"Answer me Sara." She demanded.  
  
I spun around and faced her. "Look Catherine, I just ate too much and felt sick to my stomach. That's all."  
  
"Don't give me that shit. You told Lindsey the same thing."  
  
Shock filled my face but I recovered. "It's none of your business." I finally replied and tried to walk away. Catherine grabbed my arm very tightly.   
  
"You're wrong. This is my business. You're my friend Sara and I'm worried about you."  
  
"You don't need to be worried. I'm fine."  
  
"Fine my ass! Sara you're killing yourself! Don't you realize that?"  
  
Tears that had been threatening to fall began cascading down my cheeks. Catherine pulled me into a hug. I cried even harder. Catherine just let me cry. I heard the door of the restroom open and Lindsey walked in.   
  
"I'm sorry I told on you Aunt Sara. But I was really worried." Lindsey said and walked over to us.  
  
I pulled away from Catherine and gave the little girl a hug. "It's okay sweetie. I'm not upset with you."  
  
Catherine handed me a tissue. "You need help Sara."  
  
"I don't need help Catherine. I can get through this on my own."  
  
"No, you can't. You just think you can. If you're not careful, you're going to end up like Ashleigh James. Do you want that?"  
  
I thought back to that case and how Ashleigh counted everything that went in and out of her body. I wasn't that bad. So, I threw up every now and then, but I didn't keep a journal of it.   
  
"I'm not like her." I replied.  
  
"Not yet, but if you don't stop, you're going to end up like her and I'm sorry but I'm not going to let you do that to yourself."  
  
"I don't want to end up that way." I whispered. It was true, the thoughts of dying were beginning to scare me even if I wouldn't admit to everyone else.   
  
Catherine wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "Come on. I'm going to take you home."  
  
We walked out of the bathroom, paid for our dinner, and left the restaurant. I honestly don't remember the drive back to my apartment, nor do I remember walking inside and changing into my pajamas. I was sitting curled up on my bed staring across the room. My mind was racing with terrible thoughts of dying. Catherine and Lindsey were in the living room and I could hear Catherine talking on the phone to someone. I had a feeling that she was speaking to Nick or Grissom. Thirty minutes later, I found out exactly whom she had been talking to. Nick came storming in my bedroom with a mixture of emotions displayed on his face. For the first time that night, I wished that I had been able to jump off the roof because the hurt look on his face caused my heart to break.   
  
TBC 


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate them.  
  
Tears began cascading down my cheeks before Nick had a chance to say anything. I wasn't sure but I could have sworn I saw tears falling down his cheeks as well. I waited for him to start yelling at me and screaming about how I lied to him and screwed things up. I was sure he was going to leave me alone and force me to fight this thing alone. I didn't expect him to do what he did next. Nick walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. I buried my face into his shoulder and cried even harder. His arms tightened around me. We stayed that way for a long time before I pulled back.   
  
"I'm sorry." I finally replied.  
  
He didn't say anything for a few moments and then he began giving me the lecture I was expecting when he first walked in my room. "What the hell were you thinking Sara? I thought we were fighting this thing together. I honestly thought you were getting better, you've been eating more and you seemed so much happier. Instead, you've been lying to me and throwing up behind my back. Sara, I don't know what to do. You need help and I don't seem to be doing a good job giving it to you."  
  
I opened my mouth to speak but he lifted his hand. "I'm not done yet. Do you know how it felt to get a phone call from Catherine saying that you're becoming bulimic? Do you even realize how much you're hurting yourself and the people around you that love you? Sara, I love you. I just don't know how to help you. What can I do? Just talk to me?"  
  
Sobs coursed through my body shaking me to the core. "I'm... I'm sorry." I sniffled. "I... I didn't mean... I just." I covered my face with my hands.   
  
Nick grabbed my hands and pulled them from my face. He cupped my chin and forced me to look at him. "You have to stop or you're going to die. I'm not ready to lose you Sar."  
  
"I don't want to lose you either."  
  
"Than you have to quit."   
  
I nodded and leaned against him. He just held me while I cried.   
  
I must have fallen asleep against Nick because I woke up in bed wrapped under the covers. I slept through the entire night. I pulled the covers away from me and got up. I searched for Nick but I couldn't find him. I finally found a note on the table saying that he went to the store and that he would be back later. I grabbed the remote control and flipped on the television. The Maury Show was on. I was about to turn it but the woman on the screen kept me from changing the channel. She was suffering from anorexia and she was nothing but skin and bones. I listened to her tell Maury about how she became the way she was and how scared she was that she was going to die. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I never heard Nick come in. I didn't notice he was even home until I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders.  
  
"What's wrong sweetheart?"  
  
"I don't want to die. I don't want to look like her." I cried.  
  
Nick glanced at the television. "I'm not going to let you Sara. We're going to work through this together."  
  
"Thank you." I leaned against him and we finished watching the show. When it was over, Nick turned to me and smiled.  
  
"Do you think you could eat something?"  
  
I nodded. "Yeah, I have to." I had a new determination that I've never had before. I decided from that moment on that I was going to do everything I could to get better. That included eating and seeking help. Nick and I discussed the different doctors that were around that I could go to. He said he would call around later. We ate breakfast together and then Nick started calling around. He was on the phone for a while and finally hung up.   
  
"I found a doctor that said she would love to meet you." Nick informed me.  
  
"Who is she?"   
  
"Doctor Sherry Dean. She specializes in eating disorders."  
  
"Okay. Did you make an appointment?"  
  
"Yeah. You've got one tomorrow at one. Is that okay?"  
  
I smiled. "That's fine. I just want this to be over."  
  
Nick walked over and hugged me. "Me too sweetie." He kissed my forehead and pulled away. "I think we should call Catherine and let her know what's going on. I'm sure after last night, she's really concerned."  
  
"I'll call her. I owe her a thank you." I smiled at Nick and then headed for the phone. I know that if it wasn't for her and Lindsey that I wouldn't be taking these steps to get better.  
  
TBC 


	16. Chapter 16

First off I would like to say thanks to all of you that have reviewed so far. Second, I would like to apologize for not updating sooner. I've been pretty sick over the past few days and ended up going to Urgent Care. Nothing to worry about though, I'm getting better. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.  
  
The next day, I found myself sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Dean's office. Nick, Catherine, and Warrick came with me. Nick was holding my hand. I had called Catherine last night and told her that I was going to get some help. She wanted to be there with me. Nick had called Warrick and Warrick told Nick the same thing. Grissom would have come as well, but he had made other plans that he couldn't break.   
  
"Sara Sidle." A nurse called my name.   
  
I stood up and gave my friends a smile. "Wish me luck."  
  
Catherine stood up and wrapped me in a hug. "We're here for you Sara."  
  
"I know."  
  
Warrick hugged me next. "Good luck girl." He kissed my cheek and then I turned to Nick.   
  
"Are you ready?"  
  
He nodded and took my hand. We followed the nurse down the hall and into a room. She weighed me and took my blood pressure. She smiled. "Dr. Dean will be with you shortly."  
  
I thanked her and watched her leave. Nick sat in the chair beside me. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm a little nervous. I have no idea what she's going to think of me."  
  
He squeezed my hand. "She's going to think that you're a strong woman who wants her life back."  
  
"I wouldn't be here if wasn't for you."  
  
"Sara, I'm not going anywhere. I know this isn't going to be easy, but we're going to get through it together."  
  
I smiled and leaned over and kissed him. "Thank you."   
  
We heard the door open and a short woman with blonde hair and blue eyes came in. "Hi Sara, I'm Sherry. How are you?"  
  
"I'm fine." I replied.   
  
Dr. Dean turned to Nick. "You must be Nick. It's a pleasure to meet you." She shook his hand.  
  
"It's nice to meet you as well." He said.  
  
Dr. Dean walked over to the small table and sat down on the chair. She glanced at the chart that was on the table for a few moments and then turned her attention to me. "I first want to say that I'm not like most doctors. I want you to treat me like a friend because that's what I am. Now, why don't you tell me about yourself and then we can talk about your disorder."  
  
I took a deep breath and began telling her about where I was born, where I graduated from college, and then about my job. She then asked me questions about work and then eventually how I stopped eating. I noticed that she didn't take any notes nor did she interrupt me when I was speaking. She was listening to everything I was saying. When I was done, she smiled at me.  
  
"Sara, I first want to say how proud I am of you that you've taken this step. I know it wasn't easy for you to admit that you needed help. I want to let you know that you can beat this disorder. A lot of women have done it including me."  
  
I must have had a shocked look upon my face because she nodded. "That's right, I was diagnosed with anorexia at the age of sixteen. I dropped down to sixty pounds before I finally realized that I needed help. I had a wonderful support group and with a lot of help, I was able to overcome it."  
  
"I would have never guessed."   
  
She smiled. "Well, it's not something that I'm proud of, but I will say that it gave me the inspiration to help others. That's one reason why I'm different from most doctors. I have first hand experience that most doctors don't."  
  
I smiled back. I was very pleased to know that I was going to get the best help I could.   
  
"Now Sara, I'm going to set up a schedule for you to start your treatment. I want to see you twice a week and then after a while, we'll reduce it down to once a week. Which would be better for you mornings, afternoons, or evenings?"  
  
I glanced over at Nick knowing that he would have to go back to work soon. I wanted him with me. He smiled and squeezed my hand. "How about afternoons? That way if I have to work, I can get some sleep when I come home and then after the meetings."  
  
I nodded. "Okay." I focused my attention back to Sherry. "Is afternoons okay?"  
  
"Of course. How about one o'clock on Tuesdays and Thursdays?"  
  
"Sounds good."  
  
"Excellent." Sherry replied. She wrote down some notes in the folder and then looked up. "All right Sara. I think that's enough for today." We all stood up and she shook my hand. "It's nice to meet you Sara."  
  
"You to Sherry."  
  
Sherry shook Nick's hand as well. "I'll see you both next Tuesday." With that she left the room.   
  
Nick placed his arm around my shoulder. "So, how are you feeling?"  
  
"Good. Want to eat out for lunch?"  
  
He smiled. "Sounds great. Maybe the others would like to eat with us."   
  
We walked back out to the waiting room to find that Grissom was there along with the others. They stood up. Grissom walked over and gave me a hug. "How did it go?" He asked.  
  
I pulled away and smiled. "It was great. Thanks for not giving up on me."  
  
"You're welcome."   
  
The others started demanding details and before I could give them Nick spoke up. "Hey, Sara wanted to go out to eat. So why don't we all go and she can tell you all about Sherry."  
  
They seemed to like that idea and we all began heading toward our vehicles. Grissom grabbed my arm and pulled me aside. "Sara. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier."  
  
"That's okay. You're here now and that's what's important." I took a deep breath and smiled. "I should apologize too for yelling at you. I know that you were just concerned about me."  
  
"I still am."  
  
"So, have you decided when I can come back to work?"  
  
"One thing at a time Sara. You've still got a long way to go."   
  
I nodded and began walking toward Nick. "Hey Sara." Grissom called out.  
  
I turned around. "Yeah?"  
  
"I'm looking forward to seeing you back at work. It isn't the same without you."  
  
"Thanks Grissom." I turned back around and met up with Nick. We got in the car and headed toward the restaurant.   
  
TBC  
  
Thanks again for your support during this story. The next chapter will be the last one. 


	17. Chapter 17

I just want to say thank you to all of you that have read and reviewed my story. I'm glad that you all enjoyed it. This is the last chapter.  
  
I stepped into the hall of the doctor's office and made my way over to Grissom and Warrick. I smiled at them. "Thanks for coming." I replied.   
  
"How did your session go?" Grissom asked.  
  
"Good. I've gained some weight."   
  
"That's great Sara." Warrick said and gave me a hug. "You've been doing well these past couple months."  
  
"Thanks."   
  
"Have you heard from Nick?" Grissom asked.  
  
"He called this morning apologizing for missing my appointment."  
  
"Yeah, but his parents really needed him." Warrick replied.   
  
I nodded. Nick's mother had called Sunday and told him that his father was really sick and that she needed him to come home. He was more upset that he was going to be leaving me alone than he was for his dad. Nick's been to every meeting with me for the past two months.   
  
"How's his dad doing?"  
  
"Better. It turns out that he had a mild form pneumonia."   
  
We began walking to the cars. "Hey Grissom. I know that you're shorthanded without Nick and I there. So I was wondering if I could come in tonight and help?"  
  
Grissom stopped walking and turned to face me. "I don't know Sara."  
  
"Come on. I'm doing a lot better. I'm eating, gaining weight, and I'm mentally stable."  
  
Grissom took a deep breath. "All right. Here's the deal. You can come in and work on paperwork. If we have a big case then you can help out."  
  
I smiled and hugged him. "Thanks so much."  
  
"Don't make me regret it."  
  
"I won't." I pulled away and flashed him a smile. "I'll see you tonight."   
  
"Okay. Bye Warrick."  
  
"Bye Grissom." We reached Warrick's vehicle and got inside. He began driving toward my apartment.  
  
"Hey Warrick."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I just wanted to say thank you. If it wasn't for you, I would have jumped off that roof."  
  
"No problem. I'm glad that you're doing better." He reached over and squeezed my hand.  
  
We pulled up in my driveway and I opened my door. "Thanks again War." I leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I'll see you tonight." I got out of the car and shut the door. I opened the door to my apartment and went inside. I decided that since I was going to be working tonight, that I should get some sleep. I made my way to the bedroom and shed my clothes. I grabbed one of Nick's college shirts and a pair of his boxers and put them on. I crawled in bed and tucked myself under the covers. Soon I was fast asleep.  
  
Two days later, I was standing in the airport waiting for Nick's plane. I couldn't wait to see him. It seems like forever since he's been home. People started coming off the plane and I finally spotted Nick among them. He definitely saw me because all of sudden he had a huge grin on his face. He reached me and wrapped me in a hug.  
  
"Hey sweetie."  
  
"Hey. I missed you."  
  
He pulled back. "I missed you too." He leaned down and kissed me. After a few moments, we broke apart. He wrapped his arm around me. "So, how have things been here?"  
  
"Good. How's your dad doing?"  
  
"He's doing a lot better. He says hi by the way."  
  
We made our way to get Nick's luggage. "I'm sorry I missed your meeting today. How did it go?"  
  
"Really well. Of course being able to go back to work is helping too."  
  
"I'm glad. We were all really worried about you."  
  
"I know you were. I'm glad that you guys didn't give up."  
  
"We would have never done that."  
  
"Sherry said that if I keep improving that my appointments would be dropped down to once a week."  
  
"That's great."  
  
"Yeah, well, I have a long way to go."  
  
"You'll make it Sara."  
  
"I know. I have you." I kissed him and wrapped my arms around him. The thoughts that I was standing in an airport vanished from mind. The only thing that I was focused on was the wonderful man in front of me. I knew that my battle was far from over but it didn't scare me. I had the best boyfriend and best friends in the world and that makes all the difference.  
  
Finished 


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